Each marriage is different, so here come more strategies to get your appreciation needs met!

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 161-163 and reveals two more strategies you won’t want to wait to try!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Strategy 2: The Ventriloquist
  • We take on our husband’s tone and voice and say exactly what we want to hear in a sweet, fun way. As he laughs, he may just nod and agree!
• Strategy 3: Ask Directly
  • Gives our husband the space for his own creativity. Know when we’re empty and tell him gently that we’d love appreciation right now.
• Getting the appreciation we need helps us to function better and gives us the energy to accomplish more in life.
• Our husbands truly want to appreciate us, they likely just don’t know how.
• Most husbands enjoy being let off the hook and will welcome being led in this area.

Viewer Questions:

Naomi: Hearing this is making me realize that my husband actually tries to prompt appreciation from me but it makes me feel bad – it makes me feel like I’m so unappreciative of him that he needs to go ahead and prompt it out of me! Is it possible that my husband can also feel this way if I try to prompt him?

Naomi: Building on my previous question – can I teach my husband these methods to try on me, so he can feel more appreciated by me?

Leah: If he can solicit appreciation from you that’s wonderful because it means he is able to make himself vulnerable with you which reveals closeness between you. Shift your mindset and instead of feeling bad, feel proud of yourself! Once you have this mindset shift, you’ll be able to solicit appreciation from him easier, plus he has already paved the way.

Ronit: I have a very sarcastic nature and I’m worried about it bleeding out when I’m prompting or being a ventriloquist. My husband is very sensitive to my sarcasm and I try to work on it. Should I avoid these methods just in case?

Leah: What a warm question for a sarcastic person! In society, sarcasm is viewed as cool and witty, but it can easily cross the line and is a habit to be worked on- good for you for knowing this! I agree that if you can’t keep sarcasm out, you should avoid these methods as it’s a potential pitfall. Listen in at 11:47 to hear how sarcasm creates distance in relationships. Tone sarcasm down as much as you can little by little. There are lots of other great strategies to try so don’t worry!

Shani: How much of a priority should this be for me in all my crazy busyness? Daily? Weekly? I almost feel like I need to schedule it in- I’m so overwhelmed!

Leah: Daily- sorry! But know that the more appreciated you feel, the less overwhelmed you will feel. As your appreciation bucket gets filled, your stress levels diminish, and your contentment will go through the roof.

Abby: How did you discover these methods? They’re brilliant! Also, love the show! <3

Leah: It’s not me, it’s our 3000-year-old mesorah (tradition)! I compiled the sources, but this is based on Torah with a bulletproof track record of success! I feel so grateful to be able to teach such important concepts to help bring shalom (peace) into people’s homes!

Sarah: So men and women don’t equally need appreciation? Because in my marriage it really seems like we both do.

Leah: I think both do. But on a spiritual level, she needs appreciation and he needs gratitude for everything he is giving. Tune in at time code 18:59 to understand this deeply.

Ella: When my husband expresses his appreciation of me – it makes me feel awkward – like I work hard just so I can be appreciated. Is this normal?

Leah: Understand that chazal (our Rabbis) tell us that we need this desperately and we wait for our husband’s approval. It is a reality that we crave receiving his appreciation.

Try This at Home:

One time- recognize your husband giving and you receiving and feel it.