Do you ever feel like you should have a siren, badge, and notepad for writing tickets? So often we are put (or put ourselves!) into the role of Officer Wife- and the results are never good.
In this Secret Wives Club Q&A episode, Leah answers more of your real-life questions- including how to retire from the police force for good!
Viewer Questions:
Molly: My husband always asks me to remind him of an appointment or to wake him up from his nap. I don’t want to be his mother- I want to be his wife! What can I do?
Leah: YOU ARE NOT YOUR HUSBAND’S POLICE! It’s not good for your marriage in 99% of cases. 1% of the time if it’s a quick thing that you both TOTALLY don’t mind, it can work, but this is rare and it should be avoided in general. You can be supportive, but not his nag, even if he asks for it. Brainstorm alternatives with him: alarms, phone reminders…get creative!
Tamar: My husband travels a lot during the week. He comes home for the weekends and I’m burnt out. How do I prioritize him if he’s not even home?
Leah: Aw, you are definitely not alone in this issue! Some of it may be logistical- like getting more help during the week so you have more energy on the weekends (do swaps if $ is an issue). Do as much as you can so that when he is there, you can focus on him above all else. Emotionally, you need to develop a system of communication that works for you- whether it’s a daily email, or a couple texts a day or even just some emojis. Brainstorm with him how to stay connected while he is away.
Rena: My husband complains quite frequently and it really bothers me. Am I supposed to bring this up with him or try to let it go? I feel like bringing it up would upset him but his negativity not only makes me feel yucky, it makes me view him in a negative light.
Leah: This may be part of the core of who he is. Or maybe he’s sending messages that he needs to vent and be heard and he’s not feeling heard so is complaining more and more. If he’s complaining about YOU, that’s something that needs to be dealt with a well-planned discussion with him at a quiet time that may need a third party.
Rivky: My husband is not working right now and is feeling depressed. Would it be helpful to tell him about how he is the source of all blessing in our house even when he is unemployed or should I not even go there and just be supportive in general?
Leah: What a yummy! For sure you need to tell him that! If he knows he’s the source of all blessing, it will boost his self-esteem and help with his depression, visit https://livingwellnessmedicalcenter.com/klonopin-clonazepam/. 4 things that help with depression:
1) Going out in the sun daily
2) Good sleep hygiene
3) Eating well
4) Some form of movement/exercise.
Also, even though he’s not working and has time, ask him to do as little as you possibly can. For a man, it can fee like adding insult to injury- not only don’t I have a job but now I have do the grocery shopping when I should be working!
Donna: Sometimes we might think we’re prioritizing our husbands but we’re doing it resentfully. Does it still count?
Leah: 1000%! Fake it till you make it.
Sharon: I always compliment my husband and he never believes me- it makes me want to stop.
Leah: In a quiet moment, talk to him:
“I want to feel as close to you as possible and for you to feel good about yourself, and I feel like
you’re rejecting my compliments. I want to get through that blockage so you can feel the truth
in my words. How can I do this better?”
Rachel: Is it ok that I ask my husband to stay outside if he’s still on a business call before entering the home?
Leah: If I did it, I’d phrase it as “what do you think about…” But I don’t think I’d even go there. If you warmly welcome him as he comes in, he may, over time, stop bringing the office home.
Tanya: How important are weekly date nights?
Leah: I don’t know. In past generations, I don’t think it was a thing, but I do think it’s a good idea in today’s world. But the date nights should be about spending fun, relaxing time together, not discussing the kids or what’s bothering you.
Lana: What if you asked your hubby to do something and it came out controlling and he got really upset but did it anyway, and you still feel bad about how you handled it and you want to bring it up with him again.
Leah: Of course you should! You can never say “I’m sorry” too many times in one marriage. It opens up a closeness between you and shows how much you care about him and your relationship.
Try This at Home:
Try to increase the number of times you apologize to your husband when you have a negative interaction.
