“I want to help them…but how?! I wish there was something I could do!” Do these thoughts also resonate with you?
In this episode, Leah tackles a delicate yet important topic which is on so many people’s minds- how to prevent divorce. Listen in for tips and valuable insights to help guide you as a bystander and in your own marriage. You’ll finally be able to switch from helpless to helpful!
Viewer’s Questions:
Ahuva: How can we help as a bystander- without knowing the full story- and not presuming it’s another marriage that could have been saved?
Leah: After the get (Jewish divorce document) is given, there isn’t much to do other than support. But if someone is currently having issues, and assuming you’re in a position to give advice, there is a lot to do. Asking if there is anything you can do is the first step. When someone is suffering, this is a gentle and inobtrusive question which could ease their loneliness and pain. Tune in at 2:42 for practical and helpful tips which could not only ease their pain but save their marriage!
Esti: I know a lot of newly marrieds who wouldn’t necessarily want to divorce but they’re completely not enamoured with each other. Why does this happen so often?
Leah: Rabbi Kamenetsky said that we’re in a shalom bayis crisis. But there is always something we can do both in the marriage and as a bystander. In the marriage some options are going to therapy, reading books on marriage, understanding the role of a wife and knowing the shalom bayis mesorah (peace in the home traditions). Some divorces have to happen, but so many could be avoided. There is a huge gap of knowledge and it’s vital to know what Hashem prescribes for a good marriage. The first step is always learning the mesorah.
Michal: I know a couple that seemed to be happy at first and over time got into nitpicking at each other all the time and now they’re considering divorce can I help this marriage from crumbling? She’s my good friend.
Leah: Nitpicking implies something deeper is underlying, such as unmet needs. General bickering is a bad habit but bickering about specific bigger issues could need a third party. Rebbetzin Koledetsky says that when a wife is m’vater (gives in) she will never lose out. A woman needs to introspect if she might be the cause of the nitpicking. Sometimes, it boils down to a woman thinking that only her way is right so she contradicts her husband which can lead to bickering. Tune in at timecode 13:58 for a thought-provoking example of how vital introspection is to stop the nitpicking. Next time you’re bickering, try to let go and defer to your husband- try it once and you’ll see a shift in the relationship.
Yaffa: I often used to tell my husband I should be divorcing him. Then I found your book. I have such deep regrets about saying it, but no matter what I do or say, my husband tells me he is deeply paranoid I’ll leave him. What can I do?
Leah: Make him his favourite foods and write him a beautiful heartfelt card and communicate your intense regret. Listen in at 20:39 for emotive and heartfelt ideas of what to say which are bound to replace his deep paranoia with deep love and trust!
If you’re someone who wants to make a difference, listen in at timecode 22:42 to discover how you can literally help to save marriages.
- Learning the mesorahis the first step. Marriage Secrets has 220 Torah sources pertaining to shalom bayis.
ladiestalkshow.com has hundreds of shows with millions of views. Leah has weekly shows expounding on shalom bayis and interviews recognized Jewish speakers on this topic.
- Leah’s Coaching School trains ladies to become certified coaches in order to help marriages and spread the shalom bayis mesorah.
- Leah has a Marriage Secrets Hotline for people who are struggling in their marriage to be set up with trained coaches who can help them.
Contact info@ladiestalkshow.com to find out more.
