What? Husband Before Kids?!
Can’t my husband just look after himself?!
Join Leah with Guest Speaker Rabbi Brezak as they discuss important and relevant chinuch matters. Listen in and learn how to prioritize your husband, get on top of the kids, and how to work together to create a happier and more connecting home.
Viewer’s Questions:
How can a woman practically put shalom bayis first when her children have so many needs and demands?
Shalom bayis comes before chinuch and will benefit children more than good parenting. Listen in at timecode 02:15 for a phenomenal story which shows how to give your heart without giving your time. Someone who is made the priority when he walks in the house is not in the way, he is the way! Take one minute, say one sentence with excitement to show he’s your priority and then get back to the children. It takes 60 seconds of your heart, not of your time.
Can you give more practical tips a woman can do to prioritize her husband?
Take his side. Compliment him. Preserve his dignity. Thank him. Get the children to thank him. Show respect. Make a gratitude list to appreciate him. You’ll benefit more than anyone else; living in a calm home with the Shechina is the biggest blessing you can have.
Shani: Sometimes I feel like my kids run the home, how can we get in charge of the house in a loving way?
Sometimes we need to be more assertive and sometimes we need to work with them instead of disciplining them. It depends on the child. The question is how to administer the discipline. Try to be assertive by being calm, confident and consistent, not by screaming.
Maya: My husband likes to read at the Shabbos table and I want him to be more engaged with the kids. Nothing I do seems to work. How can I make my Shabbos table more exciting and connecting?
Make a Shabbos party after the meal which you run how you envision, but don’t step into his domain by running the Shabbos table. Bring the fun into other times on Shabbos.
Chevy: My husband and I come from very different backgrounds regarding chinuch. What is the number 1 rule we should follow when it comes to shalom bayis and chinuch?
It depends if your spouse wants to work together with you. If not, accept, praise, thank, respect and compliment him. Often, women don’t appreciate what their husband does bring to the home as they have other expectations of what they want him to be. Value and appreciate him and let him know. If he is willing to work, then come towards him so he’ll come towards you. At home, if you want kids to succeed have unity. For example, sit and discuss or go through a book, or speak to a Rov but come towards each other. Be the first to go towards him; even if it’s unfair, you’ll only benefit from this. It takes 2 to fight so only 1 to make shalom bayis.
Try This At Home:
One time this week, give to your husband when it’s hard to give by doing one kind action.
