All day long we are doing things for our family- shouldn’t it be obvious that we’d like a thank you for all we do? Husbands should know how to appreciate us…shouldn’t they?

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 152-155 and she helps us to get that “thank you” we are waiting for!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Sharing ourselves with our husbands in a vulnerable way brings us closer to each other.
• Surprises often lead to disappointment. Tell him what makes you happy!

Viewer Questions:

Goldie: I feel so vulnerable having to tell my husband that I need more appreciation from him. Is there a way to express this to him in a less vulnerable way? Unfortunately, I’m not a great communicator, so I’m scared of being vulnerable.

Leah: Kudos on you for being so self-aware- it will really help you work on this issue. Being vulnerable is so crucial to a close relationship. Tune in at time code 09:05 to hear how to share this vulnerability in a safe way.

Faigie: I actually hate surprises, but my husband loves them and only wants to give me gifts if it’s a surprise to me. I’ve tried to explain my feelings, but he thinks surprise is crucial to a good gift and if he keeps doing it, I will learn to love it. I’m very frustrated.

Leah: That’s tough. It could be it needs to be communicated in a different way- words from the heart enter the heart. Listen in at 11:30 to check that your conversation skills are in fact skillful! If you’ve tried this and it didn’t work, perhaps ask him how to handle matching his desire to give surprises and your dislike of surprises- i.e. put the problem in his lap.

Eliana: Recently my husband and I have been getting into arguments when we’re out in public. It makes us both uncomfortable, but sometimes things just come up. Is it better to bottle up our feelings when we’re out and revisit them at home or is it better to talk it out even if people can overhear us, if we’re calm and speak respectfully to each other?

Leah: Listen in at 15:55 to hear a fascinating study about not bottling up feelings…which failed miserably! The Torah says, we are meant to have self-mastery over our anger, which we will discuss in a later chapter. Even if you’re speaking calmly, if people can overhear you, you are risking disrespecting and embarrassing your husband in public which is a very serious transgression and detrimental to your relationship and your soul. Privacy is crucial for any sensitive discussion.

Sara: I tell my husband that my love language is attention. I would rather him be home on time than stop at the market to buy me flowers. His time and attention to me are more valuable than a bouquet of flowers. He just doesn’t get it. Then he gets angry that I didn’t appreciate the act of him buying the flowers and taking the time. I just want HIS TIME, not the flowers. How do I explain love language to him?

Leah: A lot of what we’re learning takes time and proactive repetition before you start to see results. So rather than being upset about the flowers, show appreciation for them, yet when he gives you his time, show him ten times more appreciation. Also, keep in mind how things are when he is giving you that extra time- are you just asking for help with chores? If this is the case, listen in at 22:37 for some helpful tips! Introspect how you’re communicating your needs, but first do the work on understanding your deepest needs.

Try This at Home:

One time this week when you are expecting your husband to read your mind, open your mouth and tell him what you need.