I can’t get closer to my husband unless he gets closer to a shower!

Join Leah for another Deep Dive as she addresses some uncomfortable and delicate questions from wives who don’t like their husband’s hygiene levels, their beards or the lack of attention they receive. It’s time to deal with your sanity and his sanitary and cleanse your marriage for the closeness you deserve!

Viewer’s Questions:

Batsheva: I wanted to have more children and my husband didn’t. Somehow I convinced him, but now, he barely helps with the baby. He tells me: “well you’re the one who wanted to have another one, I told you it wasn’t a good idea.” He’s good with kids and is a good father, but for some reason he won’t give me practical help with this one. I feel so lonely, and this is really splitting us apart.

Leah: The logistics will make a difference here e.g. if he is working full time and you’re not that will make a difference to whether you’re both working. Couples need clear-cut divisions of labor, which will look different for every couple. What needs to be the same for every couple is that every woman should have in her mind and her heart that she is responsible for everything and that way she will appreciate everything he does do without any expectations. A wife’s gratitude makes a husband feel a sense of pride and want to do more. This is a secret that will improve your marriage and life.

Blima: I find that every time I get sick/ under the weather it gets in the way of our shalom bayis. I feel like I need my husband’s attention more and need him to sympathize with me. On the other hand, he has a hard time dealing with it and I end up feeling very bad.

Leah: Have you had a conversation about this? Timecode 5:27 will show you how to get his input and also his sympathy!

Shifra: My husband is really unhygienic. I cringe when he comes near me. I’m sure this sounds terrible but I’m being honest as I don’t know what to do about it.

Leah: This is not the first time I’ve had this question. The thing with hygiene is that people are raised differently and people who were raised very hygienically have a judgment about those who don’t meet their standard. It doesn’t necessarily mean the person is unhygienic.  For things regarding hygiene around the house, it is a matter of communicating and gently educating. But personal hygiene- such as not showering enough, not wearing deodorant or not brushing teeth regularly- is different. This is touchy because a spouse can never speak about their spouse’s physicality, or it can be very damaging. Timecode 11:00 will show you how to bring up a delicate topic without crushing your husband.

Chevi: My husband lets his beard grow because he’s chassidish however my exposure makes it very difficult to be physically attracted to him. What do I do?

Leah: Ladies, anything physical is so hard. If your husband were to say something to you about your looks or body it would be so painful and memorable. For some men, their beard is part of who they are. There is an element of a woman needing to come to a place of acceptance rather than her husband needing to change something so integral to him. If you can accept that this is what G-d gave you and come to be attracted to him even with it, that would be the ideal, even though it’s hard.

Dassy: My husband never notices what I do. I can spend time making a fancy dessert to impress him and he won’t notice. I can clean the house, and he won’t notice. I can put on makeup and he won’t notice. I feel like he just doesn’t care enough.

Leah: Welcome to being a wife! This can also work in your favor by the way, because he likely also won’t notice when there is mess! I hear it, and that’s why Marriage Secrets has a whole chapter on getting the appreciation us women need. We are responsible to solicit appreciation- listen in at timecode 19:44 to hear how– this is a game-changer.

Try This At Home:

Get yourself appreciated for something you feel empty about.