5 Steps To Amazing Relationships

Do you know what the Marriage Campaign’s tagline is? That’s right! When we strengthen marriages, we strengthen the world! So how do we strengthen marriages? It’s time to learn 5 steps that will take your relationship from good to Amazing!

The Governor of Texas heads out on a vacation with his wife. On the way, they stop at a gas station to fill up on gas. The gas attendant comes out to fill their tank and the Governor’s wife keeps her head down the entire time making herself busy with something on the car floor. As they drive off, the Governor says to his wife, “Can I ask you something? Before we got married you were engaged. Am I correct that the gas attendant was the person you were engaged to?” The Governor’s wife responds, “Yes, you are correct, dear!” The Governor continues, “when you saw him, you pretended to be busy with something on the bottom of the car, because you were embarrassed and thinking that if you had been married to him, you would now be the gas attendant’s wife, isn’t that correct dear?” The wife responded with a smile, “No dear, that wasn’t what I was thinking. Actually I was thinking that if I had been married to him, today he would be the Governor of Texas!” This story illustrates how powerful the role of a wife is in building up her husband!

Let’s get to the 5 Steps To Make Your Relationship Amazing:

Forgiveness Is An Action, Not A Feeling

Step #1: Let go of resentments. Every married couple has marital challenges, which likely happened over time and to which the wife must be willing to let go. The longer you hold onto hurtful situations in your marriage, the harder it is to move on. Whoever is willing to forgive their husband and forget, G-d will deal with them measure for measure. Forgiving is an action, not a feeling. Just holding onto resentment causes a distance in the marital relationship. There is a true story of a wife who was resentful of her husband for years because he listened to his mother’s advice instead of her’s about which couch to purchase. When this wife, who sought counsel, was asked what her husband’s intention was, she admitted that her husband simply thought he was honoring his mother. The wife realized how grateful she was to be married to someone who had such pure intentions, however misguided they might have been. Make sure you judge favorably! If you were in the exact same situation, would you have behaved similarly?

A follower asked: My husband does not apologize to me. If something happens between us, he will move on and act as if nothing has happened.
Leah responds: If your husband can’t say he’s sorry, the secret is to have a conversation with him. When you are both calm, say to him “I recognize that saying ‘I’m sorry’ is hard for you, and if it’s okay with you, when I need to hear an apology, I will say it the way I need to hear it.” You can even use a ventriloquist voice in front of your husband and say whatever you need to hear. Most husbands welcome that method, as it “gets them off the hook.” There’s always something you can do in your marriage to improve a situation. You can either be a victim or a victor. Always ask yourself if there is something you could be doing to improve your marriage — this is very empowering.

Write Down Everything You Want From Your Husband

Step #2: Understand your true needs. In marriage, it’s so important to figure out what your wants are versus what your needs are. Write down everything you want from your husband. It may take days and you may fill an entire notebook with your wants. Narrow down that list to about 3-4 items that you truly need to be happy, and which will help you to understand your deep needs. Since your husband has only those few needs to fill, it would actually be easier for him to fulfill those needs and he will!

Step #3: Listen More. When we think of communication, we imagine people on a couch talking with each other. Communication is actually two people listening. Ask yourself if you are monopolizing your conversations with your husband. What is more important – The next point you want to make or your relationship with your husband? While it’s true that when you’re listening, you may forget a point which you want to say, if it were really that important, G-d would put the idea back in your mind. Listening is the secret art that has been forgotten by wives. When a husband can share himself with his wife, his love for her will increase.

A follower wanted to know: What do you do however, when all your husband wants to do is talk? How much listening do you need to suffer through?
Leah responded: 1) Either it’s his personality and there’s not that much that can be done or 2) Perhaps it can be that your husband doesn’t feel heard. If that is the case, throughout your conversation together, you can interject, “I understand what you are saying and I hear you.” Additionally, repeating his points may be helpful. The more deeply you listen to your husband, the less he will chatter. Body language is important as well, so if your husband is talking while you’re doing something else, such as cooking, stop stirring and look at him so he knows he has your full attention.

“I Want To Improve My Marriage, But My Husband Isn’t Doing His Part”

Another question came in: I want to improve my marriage, but my husband isn’t doing his part. What should I do?
Leah responded: All blessing comes from G-d to the husband and then to the wife. The bigger the receiver the wife is, the more blessing comes into the home. As you begin to be more of a receiver, your husband will become more of a giver, assuming you’re in a healthy relationship. If you think you’re in an abusive relationship, you must get help. How does a wife become a bigger receiver? By showing appreciation for any gifts that her husband gives her.

Step #4: Make your relationship your top priority.

Step #5: Know our Jewish tradition for a happy marriage like the back of your hand. Read marriage books, watch the Ladies Talkshow, take marriage classes. Your marriage is the most important relationship you will have in your life, so make sure that you are knowledgable in our 3,000-year-old tradition.