Independence can be a good thing- but is it actually holding you back?

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 5 of Marriage Secrets with pages 98-101, and reveals how to open yourself up to receiving from your husband…and all the blessings it will bring!

Tune in for the first 8 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:50!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Only by dedicating ourselves fully to removing all obstacles to receiving our husbands’ blessings will we be able to receive the bounty that has been earmarked for us.
• All of our actions do bring blessings to the world, but it is through our husband that they are bestowed. He is the giver and we are the receiver.

Viewer Questions:

Kayla: I’m so glad you brought up this point. I always wondered why it was so difficult for me to receive from my husband! I always thought my husband would like me being independent. But I realized he wanted and needed to be needed. The truth is though that I also want to feel needed. Can this concept apply to the wife in terms of self-satisfaction and happiness and not in terms of receiving bracha (blessing)?

Leah: All humans need to feel needed on some level. We also need to feel validated, perhaps even more than feeling needed. As a wife, we usually know we are needed. It is usually more crucial for her to get validation from her husband.

Bassi: So it’s a good idea for the husband to spend more and more on his wife so that more bracha (blessing) should flow into the house..?

Leah: 100%. The more he gives to you that you graciously receive from him, the more blessings will flow into her home, guaranteed. Tune in at time code 12:08 for a great illustration of this from Leah (as told to her by Rabbi Nachum Sauer, shlit”a)!

Hadassah: It’s weird for me to think of my husband as the giver and me as the receiver- I feel like I’m doing nothing but giving all day long!

Leah: Excellent question! Tune in at time code 14:23 for a great example of how the giver/receiver dynamic works!

Hindy: What if the husband does a basically good job of giving, but the wife has an issue receiving? She is working on that, but in the meantime, the husband is getting discouraged. What can she do to help this dynamic?

Leah: Usually once a woman starts learning that to receive properly, she needs to thank her husband for everything he does for her, she progresses pretty quickly, because she is motivated to continue by the positive results she starts to see almost right away. But if the wife is having a hard time with it, perhaps it is because their husband has treated them in a way that is painful to them. In a later chapter we deal with how to heal past hurts, but in the meantime, push yourself as much as you can to be a receiver, because the more you receive, the more your marital dynamic will improve.

Rivka: What if my husband and I don’t fit the traditional couple model? I’m the breadwinner and in charge of finances and bills, and my husband works from home and watches our kids who are still at home. Any tips for our specific situation?

Leah: Even in this situation, you will still have plenty of opportunities to thank and acknowledge your husband for all he does. You must remember and reinforce the knowledge that no matter what it may look like from the outside, all the money and blessings in your home are from him on a spiritual level.

Etty: I realize it’s not our job to fix our husbands, but if my husband doesn’t know how to give and I’m learning to be a receiver, can I mention to my husband to also work on learning how to be a good giver?

Leah: A woman just needs to a receiver and this will automatically motivate him to be a better giver. Talking to him about it will only lead to you policing, which is very detrimental. Focus on your job as a receiver and you will see results- guaranteed!

Etty (follow-up): What happens if I kind of sort of already told him to work on his giving and he is starting to police now how I receive from him- how can I repair the damage?

Leah: I think you have to come clean and speak to him from your heart about how you feel like you made an error in telling him. For an example of how to word the conversation, tune in at time code 23:46!

Esther: The truth is I’m very naturally independent, probably more so than most women. I feel like it would be fake of me to try to be more dependent on my husband. Will I be able to “fake it until I make it” in this situation?

Leah: Yes, that may work. But I’d also love for you to get introspective and have a conversation with yourself about what drives you to be independent. Because it seems like there’s a blockage there that may make it difficult to work on this. For a list of possible blockages, tune in at time code 26:32!

Try This at Home:

Once this week, at a time when you feel driven to be independent, instead ask someone (ideally your husband) for help.