How important is it for you to be right? How important is it to you to have blessings in your life?

What is the true goal for your home? And how can we judge when NOT to give in?

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 6 of Marriage Secrets with pages 126-129 and helps us navigate this crucial issue so that we don’t get crushed!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Do you want a life of less stress? See how letting go of control is a relief and a stress detox!
• Do you crave being a captain or havinga captain?
• A wife doing the will of her husband is the foundation of a Jewish marriage- try it and watch the blessing flow!

Viewer Questions:

Mindy: My husband and I have separated different areas in which we have control. A very simple example is home décor. I have full control in that area- he doesn’t give his opinion unless I ask. Is this a healthy way for us to split our roles and control in a healthy way?

Leah: As long as this has been communicated well- as opposed to you dictating how it will be- and you’re mutually happy, then that’s wonderful!

Reena: How can we be strong like our matriarchs but also respectful of our husbands need for control? Thinking of Tzipporah taking charge and doing a bris milah (circumcision) on her son, Rachel demanding that Yaakov give her children, Leah naming all her children, etc.

Leah: Our matriarchs followed their husband’s will the vast majority of the time. The examples mentioned are the exceptions and are not proportional to their general way of living according to the mesorah (tradition), which is for a wife to follow her husband’s will.

Avital: I grew up in a society and around friends where the ideal is when “the woman wears the pants” in the relationship and that’s what is praised and looked up to. Because of that, it’s embarrassing to me to publicly give my husband control. When we’re alone I have no problem doing it, but when my friends are over, I actually do the opposite – I become controlling. How can I work on this when it’s so deeply ingrained in me?

Leah: Excellent question. I want to acknowledge the work you’re doing behind closed doors- good for you. I’m going to say something harsh because it may help: controlling your husband in public is embarrassing him, which the Torah says is a sin comparable to murder. Remembering this may help combat the ingrained habit. If that doesn’t work for you, consider how it would be to have a husband who everyone, yourself included, admires. The way to build him and make him better at everything in his life is to simply show him respect and give him that control. Tune in at 18:40 to hear an example of how simply you can show your husband respect. It’s internal avodah (work) but it’s helping your husband become the man you ultimately crave him to be!

Shira: My husband never asks me for permission when he goes out, but expects me to always ask him, because I’m home with the kids so practically speaking, I have to ask him so he can know to be home to watch them. This really frustrates me and I feel resentful of his freedom! Is this an area of control I should be letting go of?#

Leah: There are many variables here, but ultimately, if he comes and goes with little communication, she can definitely have a conversation about it. She needs to ease him into the behavior she wants in a nonconfrontational way, using creativity and bina yeseira (feminine wisdom). Introspecting why she resents his freedom will also be a valuable step. Tune in at 25:00 for deeper insights into this!

Try This at Home:

Think of something you currently communicate in a nagging way and write down 10 things you could do or say differently that may have a better outcome.