The Wife yelled at her husband that she doesn’t feel safe in the car with him. The wife reminded her husband of the time he dented a car.  The husband was annoyed at his wife for having this fear and told her that when she corrects his driving, he gets distracted.

Scenario #2: The wife has no room in the kitchen to put the trash, since her husband hasn’t brought the trash cans back in after garbage day.

The wife complained that the trash smells bad and explained to her husband that being in charge of the trash is his only chore. The husband, firing back at his wife, tells her not to look into the cans.

Scenario #3: The wife is busy cooking and asked her husband to set the table. Upon checking, the wife sees all the cutlery in the wrong place.

The wife, annoyed, told her husband the knives were set upside down and chastised him for putting the rest of the cutlery in the middle of the table. The husband was proud of himself for being so helpful and stated he put the utensils in a pile, since he wasn’t sure how much was needed.

Leah: The biggest problem concerning micromanaging are the mixed messages which are being conveyed. The wife can make the same request of her husband at different times and receive different reactions. The wife can also be in different moods and react differently at different times to the same requests.

A) Husbands and wives are different and each couple is different. You can explain to your husband that you appreciate reminders but that you need to be reminded in a gentle way, not implying you’re an “idiot.” Figure out a plan on how to give reminders to each other.

B) Make requests, not commands. Make it your mission never to command your husband. Say, “Would you mind?” or “Can you do me a favor?” When you command, especially in front of others, your husband’s self-esteem goes lower and he becomes lower in your eyes too. When your husband does something for you, act like he did you the biggest favor! The end result is that your husband will be motivated to make you happy!

C) Ask if your expectations of your husband are too much. If you can do it yourself, then do it! Your husband can only do a limited amount of tasks, so use them sparingly and wisely. Don’t “waste a favor” by asking your husband to bring you a cup of water, if you can get it yourself. Do not treat your husband like a slave. You want to empower and inspire your husband to do things for you in a loving way. Micromanaging is being picky on the details. Figure out how to do things for each other with the least amount of annoyances. By not making any commands, you will reap rewards in your marriage! If you ask your husband a favor and he answers “no,” you could pout a tiny bit and say, “OK, I’ll do it myself.” Equality in the workplace is fine. Equality in the home is not our goal; harmony is our goal in the home. It may not look like your husband is doing his fair share, but he’s doing other important things, and he is bringing blessing into the home. Joy comes to the home when you follow our traditions.

NEVER make a comment to your husband about how he is driving while he is driving! Tell your husband that tailgating makes you nervous BEFORE you get into the car with him.

1) If you treat your husband’s needs as important to you, your husband will treat your needs as important to him.

2) Timing is important when making a request of your husband

3) Figure out which method of making a request works best. You can even write your husband a post-it note.

4) Brainstorm solutions together

5) You must have a plan! Make a list of things you need to do and find solutions. Never combine a request of your husband with criticism or guilt.

1)  Connect before you direct

2)  Be grateful. Act like it’s a huge favor when your husband does something for you, even if it’s his job!

3) Make requests, not commands

4) Too many reminders can come across as nagging

5) It’s better if a task can be shared together

6) Humor helps

7) Write down the task you’re requesting, since that may be easier for your husband to receive

8) Appreciate our husband, both before and after the task is done

9) Know your husband’s pet peeves. Do not give your husband a task he dislikes.

10) Make a plan on how to gently remind your husband of a request

Scenario #4: Your son hits your daughter. Your husband sends your son to his room. You think your husband’s punishment is too harsh.

The wife complains so much. Her husband becomes defensive and they start arguing about other things as well.

Leah: Men are harsher than women. A wife assumes her way of discipline is the only correct way.  Marriage doesn’t mean you should give up your preconceived notion that you’re right. Your end goal should not be to win an argument, it’s closeness with your husband.

The wife in this scenario ended up telling her husband that she loves how they decide things together. The wife asks her husband how he thinks would be the best way to handle their son.

Scenario #5: The child is doing homework, and the husband keeps telling his daughter the answers.

Husband and wife bicker over the correct approach to homework.

Scenario #6: The wife keeps micromanaging her husband in public about the way he is telling a story over to their friends without the proper details.

The husband and wife keep arguing over every last detail!

Leah: There is always a motivation for micromanaging. In this case, the wife doesn’t want to look bad.

If your husband was royalty, how would you talk to him?

Our tradition is to view your husband as royalty!! Treat your husband like a king and he will in return be gloriously happy and will treat you like a queen. 

NEVER CORRECT YOUR HUSBAND IN PUBLIC!  Even if your husband tells over a story with the wrong details, never correct him. In the grand scheme of things, the details don’t matter!

All of the 6 scenarios ended in peace between these husbands and wives with the above advice!