Why does it feel so good to kvetch (complain)? Was anyone else born with this innate need?

Join Leah as she continues with Marriage Secrets, pages 311-315, and validates the need to kvetch yet shows us how to do it in a way that won’t make our husband complain. Hear some thought-provoking answers to viewers’ complaints about unhappily married husbands, emotionally disconnected husbands and husbands who refuse to sit and chat. All kvetchers are welcome in this club!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• We need to stop waiting for our husband to turn into who we want him to be and learn to deal with who he actually is.
• It’s tragic that so many of us withhold love from the person we should love the most. Loving him fully will resolve so many of the issues which prevent us from showing love.
• If we stood under the chuppa(wedding canopy) with this man, we are destined to be with him; we need to shower him with love.
• Nothing makes our husband happier than making his wife happy- we should smile even if we don’t feel like it. Trying not to complain motivates our husband to try harder to keep us happy.
• Taking time to feel Hashem’spresence and feeling His goodness every day is extremely powerful. The more we can feel this, the easier it will be to feel our husband’s goodness.

Viewer Questions:

Dina: It’s my second marriage and my husband regrets getting remarried as he says he misses his freedom and doesn’t need my complications. You speak about loving him fully- I do! But he doesn’t love me fully. When I tell him it hurts me, he gets despondent that he can’t make me happy. What do I do?

Leah: It’s hard to answer something so complicated and so painful. It seems like he’s carrying issues from his first marriage and perhaps he needs therapy. A third party needs to tell him that he can’t say such a thing to his wife. Listen in at time code 10:17 to hear how to communicate that what he’s doing is unacceptable, but in an acceptable way. You don’t need to put up with this, but double check that you’re not putting him down and being critical and this is his way of getting you back.

Shira: Isn’t complaining part of communicating? Are we never allowed to kvetch (complain) to our husbands?

Leah: We certainly can, it’s part of our nature to complain. But recognize how you complain and how often you complain and try to tone it down. Timecode 13:18 will show what a husband is thinking when his wife is complaining.

Rivky: After so many years of my husband not being able to bond with me, I have no inclination to emotionally connect with him as my friends do a good enough job. Is this wrong?

Leah: Women need friends, and this can fill our emotional needs somewhat, but a husband should be our primary emotional support. If she doesn’t need this, then it indicates something is wrong and she needs to introspect. Perhaps she might have done things to push him away. Timecode 16:17 will show you how a wife can be responsible for a seemingly emotionally abusive husband.

Sara: I love to sit and bond with my husband – my husband only finds it enjoyable if we go out, which entails clearing our schedules, getting the kids to bed and finding a babysitter. It doesn’t happen often. How can I convince him to just sit on the couch and schmooze?

Leah: He has different needs in order to connect so try to find a compromise. This just needs some brainstorming to find a logistical solution. Go out together and ask him how you can do this more often. Put the problem in his lap.

Try This At Home:

One time this week do something to bond with your husband.