We all know we’re supposed to apologize when we’re wrong, and we certainly want our husband to apologize to us! But how sincere are those ‘sorry’s really…and does it matter?

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 3 of Marriage Secrets with pages 61-62, and answers your questions as they come up.

Tune in for the first 4 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:36! You won’t be sorry!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• “The Holy One, blessed be He, could find no contatiner that would hole Israel’s blessings as well as shalom(peace).” (Rabbi Moshe ben Chalafta)
• “Even if you have food or drink, without peace they are worthless. Shalomis equivalent to all blessings.” (Sifra Bechukosai)
• The more harmony you work toward in your home, the more blessings G-d will shower upon you.
• Can you let go of a lifetime worth of indoctrination about what to focus on, and shift your actions to making your husband and your marriage the top priorities in your life?

Rivka: Any advice for bridging differences between a husband and wife? My husband and I are opposites in many ways (we knew that going into our marriage). I’ve found that it poses an issue, mostly in our communication- he is very sensitive and I get frustrated by it. Any tips?

Leah: All traits have a positive side and a negative side. Also, are you making yourself a victim of his sensitivity? Is there anything in your power to do to shift the dynamic? You may have come from a harsher background and him from a hypersensitive family. G-d put you both together for a reason. What do you think those reasons might be? Where and how can you grow yourself through this? That’s the challenge and it’ll make you who you’re meant to be.

Lisa: Every time my husband says “I’m sorry”, my reply is “Saying I’m sorry doesn’t make it ok to repeat the same mistakes.” He is constantly saying sorry for the exact same reasons, such as repeatedly coming home from work very late.

Leah: Getting an ‘I’m sorry’ is already a level. We have a mesorah (tradition) that in most cases, we are supposed to accept peoples’ apologies. However, you can still go to him at a peaceful time and explain how hard the issue of him coming home late is for you. Be vulnerable with him so he can see where you’re coming from without accusations that lead to defensiveness. “Let’s come up with a solution together.”

Lynn: My parents are now in their 70s and always argue and pick on each other. How can I stop them in front of my kids? It’s frustrating me and my children. They keep saying they’re too old to change but my kids hate it.

Leah: This is probably a question for a Rabbi. You may need to limit the time spent with them. Tune in at 14:20 to hear about a study that was done about the power of ‘forewarned is forearmed’. Forearm your kids. Check with your Rabbi about the best way to do this while still being respectful of your parents.

Lizzy: My husband always tells me he loves me and I don’t say it back. I’d rather show him acts of kindness, but I feel like he wants to hear it back. How can I remember to say it back when I’m so used to never saying it?

Leah: This is now the single most important priority in your life. It’s also an opportunity for introspection: what holds you back from saying it? What can you do to make it easier? If you need therapy, a mentor, whatever may help…do whatever it takes.

Meira: I would love to turn my husband into the governor. I care so much for him and I do make him a priority but I haven’t felt like I’m really encouraging him to grow in any way. Do you think I’m doing something wrong, or it’s just that growth takes time?

Leah: I would need more specifics about what you are doing to prioritize your husband in order to answer this. Write in and tell us more!

Try This at Home:

One time a day, say I love you to your husband either verbally or in a note (bear in mind he will probably throw the note away!)