Ok, I get it, connecting with my husband is important, but having those deep conversations can be scary!

Join Leah as she continues Chapter 9 of Marriage Secrets with pages 211-213 and takes a deep dive into those fears that hold us back- but not for long!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Our generation doesn’t stop to connect; we need to realize something is amiss.
• We go to bed late, we don’t have time to prepare proper meals, we have no time to exercise- we multitask ourselves into a frenzy and push ourselves unhealthily.
• Our husbands need to either help us get things done or keep out of the way. We feel justified looking after our to do list instead of him.
• Ultimately, we deeply know that what we want is closeness and connection. We want to savor our relationships and be a present wife and mother.
• We choose what is instantaneously more gratifying, like tidying a cupboard instead of tidying a relationship. It’s time to introspect and make a change.
• We need to give ourselves permission to do less and connect more.

Viewer Questions:

Esther: I’m scared to connect…I’m not sure why. Sitting down and getting serious and emotional…it just makes me uncomfortable. My nature is very lighthearted and goofy. How can I get more comfortable having these deeper conversations?

Leah: It’s hard to say without knowing you personally, but first of all share that fear with your husband. Do you feel unsafe being vulnerable? Tune in at 9:15 to hear how to let him know how uncomfortable you are with being vulnerable, which will make you more comfortable in that vulnerability. Try to introspect in order to move past it, what makes you nervous, is it from your childhood, etc. Recognize that it is crucial to your closeness with your husband that you be able to have deep emotional conversations with him.

Tali: I am expecting, Baruch Hashem (Thank G-d), but I have hyperemesis (which is extreme nausea and vomiting). I can’t do a lot of things I used to do. Even spending time with my husband is hard, let alone making supper. What is one small thing I can do to connect when I can barely get out of bed?

Leah: We’ve talked about having a preemptive discussion when you’re grumpy. Your situation is similar and needs a preemptive discussion with him, timecode 14:02 will show you how to bring your husband close even when your behavior may be pushing him far!

Talia: My husband often travels for work, sometimes two weeks at a time. We’re good about Face Timing but we small talk more than actually connect. How can we connect better electronically?

Leah: There are still ways to connect: 1) When you are on the phone with him, make sure you are 100% focused on him with no distractions. 2) Tell him (in person) how you feel about the situation- listen in at 17:50 to hear how to complain in a noncomplaining way. 3) Know that a woman’s need to connect is very different from a man’s- he can feel connected just from the small talk. 4) Ask his advice as much as you can and then compliment him on it.

Shifra: Recently when I’ve tried confiding in my husband, I’m left unsatisfied. He just doesn’t seem to really understand me. So, I’ve been turning to others (mainly my sister) who’s so much better of a listener and truly knows how to make me feel better. Is that ok?

Leah: Yes, that’s fantastic, women need girl-time. Tune in at 22:36 for an example of how only a woman can give us that validation we need. It’s not necessarily that our husbands don’t get it, but rather men process things differently.

Bina: I have the opposite problem of Shifra.  My husband always says he’s left unsatisfied when HE confides in ME and it makes me feel terrible. I’ve asked him how I can do better and he always says, “I don’t know” and then brushes it off and says, “It’s all good, you don’t need to worry about it.” What am I supposed to do? I’m so frustrated.

Leah: This needs a heart to heart (which you should be having at least once a week when you’re both well rested and fed). Listen in at timecode 25:30 to see how to make him hear your desire to make him feel heard. Don’t let this slide- it’s your biggest priority.

Reena: The High Holidays brings about a lot of stress for everyone, my husband and I included…any tips to riding this month smoothly?

Leah: Plan ahead as much as possible well in advance. If you’re not a planner, do what you can. Make sure to carve out time to be together as much as you can.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, do introspection about what’s blocking you from connecting to your husband.