I can’t treat him royally when I feel so much rivalry!

Join Leah as she continues with Marriage Secrets, pages 325-330 and tackles how to not feel diminished when giving respect, what to do when we are unintentionally disrespectful, and how to handle being a snappy, grumpy queen. Listen in as Leah helps us to get out of stalemate and reach the perfect balance of becoming victorious teammates!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Our husband is ready to take care of his kingdom- if we’d only allow him.
• We wait for our husbands to be worthy of respect and then we’ll respect him, but this is backwards. Our respect makes him respectable.
• The shocking secret is that respect is granted never earned.
• We spend our childhood waiting for a husband to look up to and then we spend our adulthood knocking our husband down.
• Only if a woman builds her husband up will he be great. She makes or breaks him.
• Society has conspired to pull men down from their thrones. The greatest gift we can give him is to crown him. It starts with the woman.
• Chazal(our sages) teach us that by showing them respect they will shine in all their glory and become the man we can look up to.
• It may not be fair or easy but the gains are immeasurable- you’ll finally have a respectable husband who will truly cherish you- so try it!

Viewer Questions:

Elana: How do we not feel diminished if we always do what our husbands want, and we relinquish all our control to him? I can’t help but feel that it would make me feel less significant than him.

Leah: This is the problem that society has fed us- if there are two rulers in the house there will be constant battles. There has to be one king, sorry ladies- it ain’t us. Men and women are different, and the beauty is that when a woman embraces her position as queen, she loves being the queen and enjoys life more. You have a choice of being upset or relishing your role.

Layla: I’m good at treating my husband like a king but I don’t think my husband views me as his queen. To be fair, I’m not a very queen like person- I’m snappy and grumpy. Is it better to focus on treating him like a king or making myself more queenlike? I’m not sure I have the mental energy for both.

Leah: Only treat him like a king for now. Obviously it’s ideal to work on yourself too, but the focus should be on how you treat him. A husband needs respect and withholding it from him is plain and simple mean! He desperately needs that respect. Hopefully the more you treat him like this, the more he will cherish you and give what you need which may help with the grumpiness.

Shoshana: My husband finds it weird when I’m too respectful. He prefers our relationship to be more like best friends and more jokey. How do I respect him in this situation?

Leah: Respect means listening to his opinions, following his advice and decisions, not contradicting or belittling him etc. It’s how you react to who he is and looking up to him. This can go alongside jokiness.

Yali: I don’t even realize when I’m “knocking” my husband down. My husband just tells me time to time that he feels this way and feels disrespected a lot in our marriage. How can I work on improving when I don’t even notice when I’m acting disrespectful?

Leah: Make a list of 10 new actions that you’re going to take to show your husband respect. You’ll start to become more aware of when you’re not respecting him. Ask him for input. But start in action mode today. Similar to when you’re in a bad mood and you smile anyway. Timecode 20:13 has some great ideas of actions you can take to turn things around immediately.

Raizy: It’s so cringe making the switch from disrespectful to respectful. Is this something that is better to do slowly until it becomes natural or just jump in and do it even if it feels so unnatural?

Leah: Jump in- fake it until you make it! No matter how awkward it feels, just start. But take on actions which feel less awkward. Timecode 21:31 has some less cringey ideas! The more respectful actions that you do, the closer you’ll be to your husband as you’re miraculously building up this man.

Try This At Home:

One time this week do one act of respect.