Do you wish you had more resilience to deal with life’s challenges? Who doesn’t, right?

In this episode, Leah speaks with Rebbetzin Yaffa Palti, educator and certified addictions specialist, to break down how YOU can achieve this vital skill.

Today resilience is more important than ever. We live in a world with fake perfection and unrealistic goals all around us. There’s constant pressure to hustle, hustle, hustle … in heels, no less!

All this leads to feelings of failure and hopelessness.

Speaking of feelings, we are better than ever today at being in touch with our emotions- but is it too much? Do we let our feelings control us? How do we balance our feelings properly so that WE are in control?

There are 10 steps to help us get there. Remember that our goal is progress, not perfection!

Before we get to the 10 steps (I know, you can’t wait to dive into those!), it’s important to point out one of the biggest obstacles to resilience: Excuses.

Excuses? Who, me?

Let’s be real- we can be so creative in coming up with the best excuses. So good, that YOU are the only one who won’t believe your excuses, and who knows deep down (or not so deep down) that you’re really just looking for the easy way out.

Making up excuses is really just buying into the society of victimhood. It’s so easy to be a victim and excuse your lack of progress in any area. It is human nature to prefer known hells to unknown heavens. It’s so familiar that it feels comfortable even with its discomforts. You can’t be resilient if you’re a victim.

How do we break out of this pattern specifically in our relationship with our spouse?

A healthy relationship (love) is about focusing on the positive and defining the person by those positive qualities.

Men need respect and want love. Women need love and want respect.

The way to achieve this is by focusing on the positive (both internally and externally) which actually gives strength and resilience to the other person so they can improve.

Leah adds, the more you focus on receiving with gratitude what your spouse is doing right, the more blessing you will receive!

Ok, we’ve got the intro, let’s dive into the …
10 Steps to Resilience:

1. Know your strengths
2. Find a sense of purpose
3. Develop a social network
4. Embrace change
5. Mindset
6. Problem-solving skills
7. Make goals
8. Nurture yourself
9. Take action
10. Keep at it

Step #1 — Know your strengths
Tap into our strength as a nation. The Jewish People have been through SO much and yet, here we still are!
Tap into your strength as an individual. You have been through so much, but you keep on going- the proof is that you’re reading this now!

Resilience is not about bouncing back. It’s about bouncing forward.

Everyone fails. It’s nothing to be afraid of.

Just by getting up when you fall, you’re already higher than you were!

When a rope snaps and you tie a knot to fix it, the rope is even stronger than it was initially.

This concept comes up in parenting as well. The most important thing you can do for your child is to NOT shield them from pain, but rather shield them from the belief that obstacles will break them- obstacles make us stronger!

Step #2 — Find a sense of purpose
There are three different voices that we have inside us constantly:

1) Ego- what looks good

a. Not authentic — it’s about what other people think you should do/be

2) Heart- what feels good

a. Instant gratification — feels great in the moment, but it doesn’t last

3) Soul — what IS good

a. Logical, responsible
b. Quietest voice, but the more you listen, the louder it gets

It’s all about choices- who will you listen to? Who is in control?

Step #3 — Develop a social network
Seek out healthy relationships that support and motivate you with positive energy.

Leah adds, the Torah goes so far as to say to BUY a friend- this means to put in whatever effort is necessary to maintain the right relationships.

Step #4 — Embrace change
Resilience happens through discomfort, so don’t fear leaving your comfort zone.
Life is about EVOLVING, not REVOLVING!

Life IS change, whether it is weather, technology, fashion- things constantly change…it’s not scary, it’s natural. So go for it and EVOLVE!!

Check out Part 2 for the remaining six steps.

Try This at Home:
Focus on ONE positive trait in your spouse to help build resilience in your relationship.

Rebbetzin Yaffa Palti can be reached via Instagram @yaffapalti or by email at yaffapalti@gmail.com