Is Joy During Lockdown Possible?

The illustrious and legendary Rebbetzin Slovie Jungreis-Wolff joined us LIVE to discuss this very important topic on the minds of so many — Is Joy During #COVID-19 Even Possible? This is a must-see show you don’t want to miss!

Joy Does Not Mean Everything Is Perfect

Leah began with the obvious question on everyone’s minds: What is meant by joy and how do we get there?
Rebbetzin Jungreis-Wolff responded: The mistake we’ve made is that we confuse fun with joy. Joy does not mean that everything is perfect. Joy is tranquility and a spirit inside of us. Joy is everlasting. Feeling joy means feeling grounded. In the Torah (Laws of the Bible), the word for ‘fun’ does not even exist! So the first thing we need to do is to remove the word ‘fun’ from our language and replace it with ‘joy’.

When You Compare Your Life To Everyone Else’s, You Fail To See Your Blessings

Leah inquired further: People complain that they have no tranquility these days since everyone is home on lockdown.
Rebbetzin Jungreis-Wolff explained: We can find all the secrets to living a good life in the Torah (Laws of the Bible). Sarah Imenu’s (Matriarch Sarah) house was filled with joy, light, and blessing. Even though she had a difficult life and withstood many tests, her portion in life was fresh, just like her challahs from week to week. We live in a world where everyone is posting to their social media and everyone looks perfect. It looks like everyone else has it easy, though no one has it good all the time. When you compare your life to everyone else’s, you fail to see your own blessings.

When We Create Connections With Others, We Become A Healthy Person

Leah was intrigued: People feel so overwhelmed from not getting a break. There are people who list their blessings, but still feel sad and overwhelmed. People may feel worse after listing their blessings and not feeling any better. What is your response?
Our esteemed guest answered with a wise smile: It is helpful to wake up with an attitude of gratitude. The first thing we say when we wake up is, “Modeh Ani,” (“Thankful to You G-d, am I”) not “Ani Modeh,” (“I am Thankful to You G-d) so that we don’t emphasize the “I.” Our attitude creates positive energy and our emphasis is on gratitude. This is the first generation that takes selfies. When the last generation grew up, it was unimaginable to point the camera at ourselves and take a roll of photos just of ourselves. People feel down because they stop connecting with others. When we put the lens only on ourselves, we magnify every emotion. When we create connections with others, we become a healthy person. Our attitude makes us happy. Selfish people are never happy. If we take this time of the lockdown which G-d has given us and we haven’t become better from it, then we missed the point of all this. There is a choice of becoming better or bitter.

A viewer asked a question: People would choose joy, but their lives are chaotic right now. Please advise as to how someone can find joy even during this challenging time.
Rebbetzin Slovie replied: Before COVID-19, did everyone walk around with joy? There will always be something! Live with purpose. The way you treat others is your choice. There will always be troubles, before or after COVID-19. How do you find inspiration and meaning? Giving makes people happy. Being a taker is not nourishing to the soul, and that brings us down. We need to find tools in the Torah (Laws of the Bible), so when we go through challenges, we could still feel grounded and serenity within. G-d is our father and He loves us. Yirat shamayim means awe, G-d takes care of us and guides us. It’s not about fear since we cannot connect with G-d if we think of Him as a scary thing. If someone else is able to switch your joy on and off with a bad look or negative words, then you don’t have true joy and you need to work on it. Below are the steps to follow in order to bring more joy into your life:

Steps To Bring More Joy Into Your Life

STEP #1: Forgive. People who can’t forgive, cannot be joyous. When we bear a grudge on someone, we’re angry. When we’re angry, we could eat ourselves up alive and it robs us of happiness.
Leah wanted to know: How do you forgive if people don’t apologize for what they did wrong?
Our esteemed guest responded: What gives us the strength to forgive? We should learn from King David. He went through so much suffering, embarrassment, and shame and knew that it came from G-d. We all make mistakes. Not only do we excuse ourselves, but we ask G-d to forgive us! If you could forgive someone even though it’s hard, you can ask G-d to please forgive you.

Leah asked for more details: Please give us practical steps.
Rebbetzin Jungreis-Wolff answered: You must be ready to forgive and not include the word “but!” into your apology. Decide you’re ready to be strong. Will you be active or reactive? If you’re active, you’re in control. If you’re reactive, then people’s words will affect you until you’re left with nothing. Creating a connection with G-d is made by saying, “I forgive that person. G-d, will You forgive me?” Don’t let someone’s words tell you that you’re not good. You have the power to strengthen yourself. Women have a gift of remembering things that happened to us 25 years ago in a marriage. There could be a huge marital blowout because we failed to stay in the moment. Our emotional suitcase can explode!

Too Many Of Us Sit In Pain & We Think G-d Forgot About Us

STEP #2: Differentiate between fun and joy.
Fun is flippant and joy lasts forever. Pleasure is oneg (joy). Nega (mark, plague) means being struck with something. How do you get rid of hurt? A single woman related to me that she doesn’t feel loved by G-d. How does she get rid of that hurt? G-d really loves us. Sometimes we go through struggles and instead of asking why, we should ask, “for what purpose?” If we don’t change, then we just feel pain when we go through something. Pain is just pain, which hurts. If we change, then pain could be purposeful. Too many of us sit in pain and we think that G-d forgot about us. We get stuck and think we cannot move on in life. If your purpose in life is to find fun, you will never find joy, because fun is not satisfying.

When asked what the happiest memory was as a child, people answered that connecting with others was what they remembered, not a toy/game/gift they had. We have to ask who we’re connecting with and how? If you’re resentful, then you’re not connecting. If your husband asks you what’s for supper and you explode, then you’re giving but you’re not truly giving. Being resentful means being angry inside. How do you get rid of resentment? COVID-19 or not, each woman must have a Pocket of Peace. There must be a place where you can find peace each day, which you feel good about and strengthened from; examples are physical activity, reading, seeing friends, praying.
Accept each person with a happy face. Certain people and things we don’t accept easily. There was a woman who admitted to feeling disappointed in her child’s grades and that her child is not who she expected her to be. We don’t go to the candy store to pick out our children. G-d chose this child for you, and sometimes it can be difficult, but it doesn’t mean it’s not good. What’s not good is something we cannot accept. If we have a peach and we want it to become a pizza, no amount of garlic powder will change it. Accept who people are in your life. Figure out what your goal is. Your job might be just to get through the day, to get your children on Zoom, to get dinner on the table. You cannot resent what your job is. Take the peach and make peach pie! Delicious!

STEP #3: Make yourself a rooster. Rebbetzin Slovie told this in the name of her mother. Why do we ask G-d to make us like a rooster? A rooster never says that it doesn’t feel like crowing at 5am because it’s not in the mood or the weather isn’t nice enough. A rooster has its mission and it always fulfills it’s mission no matter what. We need our mission too in order to feel joy.

STEP #4: Your life is never stale. Sarah Imenu (Matriarch Sarah) is our role model. She had a difficult life. How do you create the light she had? It’s the tone you use. Even if you are at home all day, a smile says you’re happy with the people you’re with. When Rebbetzin Jungreis (the mother of our guest speaker) was in Bergen Belsen, Her father explained to her as a very young child, that she had a mission to give people smiles. If a little girl could do that in Bergen Belsen, imagine what we could accomplish in our homes under lockdown. You can even call people and give out smiles over the phone. Modesty also gives us joy. We don’t have to post every piece of sushi we eat. When we make challah (Hallah bread), we cover the dough to make it rise. If we have something, we should keep our blessings quiet. Modesty is not just clothing, it’s a way of life. When we compare our lives to others, it strips us of joy. Sarah Imenu (Matriarch Sarah) always had the cloud of glory over her tent, as she had a connection with G-d. Even amidst the lockdown, it’s not a challenge, but an opportunity to connect with G-d. Prayer is our connection with G-d in such an intimate way. Our shuls (synagogues) and schools are closed, and our homes are holy. Our homes are where we light the Shabbos candles, pray, etc. We whisper when we pray because it’s only between me and G-d. I have my wishes, dreams, heartbreaks, challenges, and only G-d should be hearing about my most intimate prayers.

Transform Your Kitchen Into A Cafe And Do Date Night There!

A follower wanted to know: Please share any suggestions you have of how to connect with our husbands during this very busy time.
Rebbetzin Slovie Jungreis-Wolff responded: Many parents agree there’s no privacy. You must find a place and a time to speak with your husband. It’s OK to say to your children that this is mommy and daddy’s time. Try transforming your kitchen into a café one night and do date night there. Let go of the mess for now and be free. Think before you snap or criticize. This is a time of kindness. Give your husband one word of affection, appreciation, and admiration each day; that is so good for your marriage.

STEP #5: Find your mission! There is no perfect life out there. Be who you are. We all have different fingerprints, physically and spiritually. Don’t make your mission sound small. You don’t need to go to Africa to feel purposeful. Your mission might be to have your children connect to G-d or to create a home of sanctity, or to have a good marriage. What gift did G-d give you? Your personality could be your mission and patience is also a mission. A question to ask yourself each night is, “Who did I touch today and how did I make the world better because I lived?” Realize how powerful taking care of your husband is. Changing diapers is very important as well. Your mission could be that your children go to sleep feeling loved and that they feel connected to G-d. You and your husband could know that despite all the challenges in the world, that you are there for each other. Be encouraging, give a kind word, despite your fears. Keep love alive, keeping connected is a huge mission. I cannot inspire anyone if I’m not inspired. Don’t belittle your mission. Time is a gift. Everyone has the same 24 hours in their day and what we do with it is our choice. How to find joy is knowing what our mission is. G-d loves us. The word panim (face) is pleural. It’s the only part of the body that I cannot look at but everyone else can see. I have a mission to make this world better. You’ll find joy being active vs. reactive.

Homework for this week: Smile at others. Even if you can’t do anything else and you’re overwhelmed, you can smile at others. When you impact others positively, you feel the joy as well.

Rebbetzin Slovie Jungreis Wolff’s book is called: Raising A Child With Soul. The Rebbetzin appears on Aish.com and on TorahAnytime and can be reached at sloviehineni@gmail.com.