Raise your hand if you’ve never faced a challenge! Anyone? Anyone? We’ve all got tough stuff
to deal with and we all want to know how to handle it in the best possible way, right?

In this episode, Leah talks with Rebbetzin Esti Hamilton, motivational speaker and spiritual
mentor, to see how she dealt with her biggest challenge, raising a special needs child, and how
her experience can help us all deal with the challenges in our own lives.

Rebbetzin Esti’s story in a nutshell:

I got married at 20 and at 21 had my first child, Doniel. Doniel was born with many
special needs (including holes in his heart, seizures, underdeveloped lungs, low immune
system, etc.). It took time before even the doctors understood everything that was wrong
and they said that Doniel wouldn’t live to see his second birthday. (Thank G-d, he is 18
years old, so they were very wrong, but he can’t walk, talk, or feed himself and needs 24
hour care.)

Now there is so much more awareness about special needs and information is so
accessible, but then it felt very isolating. I had to go through a whole process of grief and
readjusting expectations and completely recalibrate my life. Significant change in a
person often happens when something happens to them not of their choosing.

Viewer question: Where did you get the resilience to go through all that at such a young age?

Rebbetzin Esti: I was very blessed to have support from great role models of strength: My
parents and other family (including Holocaust survivors) who were all strong and resilient in
their own right. I grew up hearing stories of how to build from challenges and apparently
absorbed more of it than realized. Support is crucial to get through any challenges. Seek people
who will encourage and strengthen you. Tune in at 11:55 minutes in to hear the inspiring way
Rebbetzin Esti celebrated Doniel’s 13th birthday in place of a Bar Mitzvah.

Leah asks: What about people who are not blessed with role models in their life?

Reb. Esti: Find them. As COVID taught us, humans crave connection and need it to get through
difficulties. Even if it’s just a speaker on Torahanytime that you find inspiring and listen to them.
Find a Rebbetzin or a former teacher and reconnect with them. Seek out a friend who you know
is encouraging, who has dealt well with their own struggles.

Leah: Can you walk us through, step by step, how you handle a major challenge like the one you
faced?

Grief

• This stage can last different times for different people. Be patient with yourself
• Have little to no expectations for yourself. Just be in the moment of processing what you
  are going through. If you can’t process where you are, you can’t move forward.
• Remember that resilience isn’t bouncing back, it’s bouncing forward. It’s not about going
  back to who you were before the crisis, it’s about being a new you who is growing
  through the crisis.

The New You

• Accept the life you now have and get to know yourself in this new framework.
• These events change you (and you’re meant to change). Ideally, it makes you more
  sensitive to others, but also more sensitive in general.
• Surround yourself with people that enhance your new state of being.
  The goal is to grow through what we go through.

Marriage During Crisis

• Don’t expect your partner to react the same way as you. He may have a very different
  way of processing things than you do. There is no one right way.
• Have a spiritual mentor, rabbi, therapist, to help guide you and your partner in an
  objective way. Choose someone you both agree with right away when the crisis hits.

Faith Under Fire

When bad things happen to us, it can be hard not to feel tortured. What helped a lot for me was
the idea of souls and that there is a purpose for everyone in this world. The less able a person is,
the smaller their purpose in this world. The journey of everyone’s soul is different. Our job is
just to love them for who they are.

Caregiver Fatigue

Deep exhaustion from caring for someone constantly can lead to resentment which leads to guilt
and can destroy all the relationships in your life. If you are at that point, it is essential that you
get someone else to step up in your place. Fatigue is incredibly debilitating.

When my son turned 15 and became bigger than I, we made a decision to put him in a home for
disabled kids. I was no longer able to give him the care he needed and I was also not taking care
of myself or the rest of my family properly. There were a lot of feelings to work through when
making this decision, but it was 100% the right choice for each of us and we are all the better for
it.

Remember, you are never alone. Get support, take care of yourself, and take it one step at a time.

Try This at Home
When crisis hits, give yourself time to grieve and process. Keep a journal or talk to a sympathetic
friend or mentor.

Press the arrow on the bottom right to scroll up to watch the show!

Additional Links:

• Check out more Rebbetzin Esti content on Torahanytime!
• Follow her on Instagram: Rebbetzin_Esti_