Need a knife to cut the tension in your home? Feel frustrated and don’t know how to make it
better?

In this episode, Leah talks with Rabbi Reuven Epstein, founder of MarriagePro, an organization
devoted to helping married folks (and those dating for marriage) maximize their relationship
with their partner.

Rabbi Epstein dives right in with this major point:
The things that make a real difference in a marriage are the split-second decisions- not the major
parts of life. For example, do I choose to greet him this way or that way? Do I choose to notice
that or not notice that?

Men vs. Women
The average man thinks he’s doing a great job and so he’s confused when he comes home and
there’s chaos and complaining…he thinks it’s all the wife’s issues!

80% of marriage complaints come from the wives because women are more attuned to what’s
missing in their marriage.

A good marriage in Hebrew is about being davak — to cling, to be connected. So when women
feel disconnected from their spouses, they feel like they have a bad marriage.

The man can feel like he’s doing everything for his family but still be completely disconnected
from his wife, and therefore his wife will be unhappy.

How low is your phone battery?

You have a phone. You have a charger. But just putting them next to each other won’t get your
phone charged. They need to be connected. Women often have a low battery, because on top of all
they do throughout the day, their husband doesn’t understand how to connect and replenish the
power supply.

Women should recognize they’re depleted and get what they need by FIRST complimenting and
appreciating him, rather than unloading on him. Then they can solicit the connection they crave.

Leah: When a woman feels so done, how can she pull out the compliments and appreciation the
husband needs so he can give her what she needs?

Rabbi E.: A woman is in charge of the atmosphere in her house- she has the power to lower the
stress level, https://holisticdental.org/xanax-treat-anxiety/. So she must make HER mental health her #1 priority. Ideally, take 20 minutes
before your spouse comes home to bring yourself to a happy, calm place. It’s about prioritizing.
Focus on whatever HE will appreciate most as he walks in the door. Does he care if the floors are
scrubbed or would he rather be greeted with a calm smile?

Ask yourself:
If you were married to you, would you want to spend time with you?

Prepare. Strategize. What is a priority for your hubby for when he comes home? Make those few
minutes before he comes home pleasant for you so you can make his first few minutes pleasant
for him.

Leah: What if your husband has hurt you too many times so you put up walls and don’t want to
connect?

Rabbi E.: Every day, give your husband 3 things that are notable (text, walk, compliment, special
food, etc.) and graciously receive anything he gives to you, no matter how insignificant. Each
thing will remove a brick from the wall between you.

The Bottom Line:
Marriage is a walk: He takes a step, then you take a step, then he does — it’s a journey side by side.

Try This at Home:
Smile at your husband as he walks in the house.

Additional Links:

– Check out Rabbi Epstein’s full range of classes and materials:
https://marriagepro.co/premium-course/

– Rabbi Epstein can be reached at email@marriagepro.co