Treat my husband like a king? Well, his behaviour certainly isn’t very kinglike!

Join Leah as she answers some of the questions which were asked from her trip in London. She may not have met The Queen, but she met many queens and here are some of their fantastic questions about husbands who act more like rulers than kings. Brew that tea and tune in!

Viewer Questions:

Q.1) How do you deal with a husband who always think he’s right, and his opinion is the only opinion?

Leah: Listen in at 1:07 for an anecdote about sending a daughter to art camp which will paint the picture and illustrate the issue at hand. This question indicates that the very dynamic of the marriage is set up incorrectly because it’s not about right and wrong. This needs to be replaced with what will bring shalom (peace)- a right decision is not as important as a blessed decision. The other aspect is control, when we try to grab control from our husband a power struggle results. The minute we let go and ask him what he thinks, he will seek our opinion and hear us. When shalom is sought, decisions are blessed-this is mesorah (tradition) guaranteed.

Q.2) How do you treat your husband like a king if he is doing bad things. This seems to work for minor issues but what about for bigger issues?

Leah: It’s hard to answer not knowing what the issues are. If it’s abuse, seek the relevant help immediately. Going on the assumption it’s not something so major, the first thing to know is that nothing is worse for a man’s self esteem than for his wife to think lowly of him. When he feels he’s a disappointment, it eliminates his motivation to improve. This is where treating him like a king is gold and loving him unconditionally can turn the situation around. Listen in at 12:30 for practical tips on how to treat him like a king even when his behaviour is royally unkinglike.

Q.3) What do I do if I have elderly parents and my husband doesn’t want to spend time with them. I feel so torn between their needs and his needs!

Leah: The answer to this is very clear and very hard to hear- we need to put our husband first. It’s not an easy thing to do, but our Torah teaches that a husband and wife are closer than blood relatives. Rav Elya Lopian said that under the chuppa (wedding canopy) a husband’s soul is placed in the palm of his wife’s hand. Our purpose in life as his ezer kenegdo (helpmate opposite him) means that he is always first. Whether it’s serving his food first or putting his needs first, that is our obligation. Timecode 23:00 gives practical tips how to balance this delicate situation to meet your husband’s needs without disregarding your parent’s needs and of course, your own needs!

Q.4) What if my husband puts his parents first?

Leah: If communication isn’t your strong point, then this needs a third party. If you feel you’re able to communicate it well, then first listen in at 32:46 to make sure he doesn’t bolt out the door straight to his parents! Figure out potential pitfalls in the conversation in order to prepare. Listen to our show on parental boundary issues for more on this topic.

Q.5) Does making my husband my top priority mean that I must let him make decisions regarding child raising that I disagree with?

Leah: Us intuitive mothers are absolutely positive that our way is the right way. If this were the case, why would G-d have given us a husband to raise them too? Newsflash: our way might just not be the right way! The most amazing secret for this situation is to ask ourselves in that moment, “What is going to bring shalom between me and my husband?” This is the single most important aspect to child raising. Tune in at timecode 43:25 to hear how ripping the power from our husbands is akin to handing the power to our child, in a most detrimental way.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, make an effort to put your husband first.