I don’t have the luxury to ensure I’m well fed and well slept! In any case, I want to be moody! Permission granted?

Join Leah as she continues Marriage Secrets with pages 257-261 and tackles relatable questions and issues. Whilst she may not give us permission to be moody, she gives tips and insights to help us stay motivated so that we will not need the permission to begin with. Ladies let’s stop pouting and start rousing!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Understanding the following points are powerful mental shifts in conquering anger: recognizing the anger danger zone, considering our mood (yes darling, you are likely under slept and underfed!), weighing the importance of the issue, seeing it as temporary insanity and judging favorably.
• Introspection is crucial- we can only make change once we understand ourselves.
• Planning ahead can be a game changer.
• We need to be patient with ourselves and be happy with incremental progress.

Viewer Questions:

Libby: I get annoyed when I’m tired, but my lifestyle doesn’t allow for any naps in the day or early nights. I know that I’m snappy, and anger management sounds great, but I feel trapped in my circumstances.

Leah: You’re going to have to do the micro relaxation techniques. Amidst the hecticness, steal a few moments wherever and whenever you can. Mini self-care moments can go a long way and it’s important you explore how to maximize these moments. Listen in at 09:05 for some mini self-care ideas which could bring maxi self-care moments! Rav Wolbe says that life shouldn’t be so crazed that there is no time for a casual conversation- listen to our show on accomplishment for more on this. If you can’t take naps, see if there are ways you can tone down the busyness of your life.

Meira: A lot of times when I feel angry there isn’t enough time to walk away and take space to calm down first, a lot of these arguments happen as one of us are late or running out the door or tending to our children’s immediate needs. What can I do in a situation where I can’t leave to diffuse the situation?

Leah: Agree to disagree and schedule a time to resolve this. Acknowledge it won’t go well now and ask to shelve it for later.

Odeliah: My husband often brings humor into an argument to diffuse the situation, but it gets me angrier because it makes me feel like he isn’t taking me seriously! I know he’s doing it for good reasons but in the moment, it naturally just makes me more upset. Should I tell him to stop, even though it technically is a very good tactic?

Leah: Your question says, “tell him.” So, the answer is no. If you’d like to have a gentle conversation about this then maybe. Humor is such a precious tactic so try your hardest to grow into it. If you really can’t then timecode 15:25 will show you how to communicate (not tell ) him!

Esther: I just want to be moody sometimes! Can I ever indulge myself? If so, how do I do it guilt free?

Leah: I get it, we all get like that. The problem is if your mood is bringing others down with you, it’s not fair. It creates a lack of trust and lack of safety. Wallowing can be tempting and it’s okay occasionally as long as it doesn’t affect others around you. Even if we try our hardest there will inevitably be times when we won’t manage but in general, we have a responsibility to manage our moods to keep the harmony in our homes.

Lauren: I feel down when I see how many times a day I’m not mastering my anger. In a way, I’d rather have never paid attention to my anger triggers because all that happens is I see how much I’m failing. How can I stay motivated with daily failures?

Leah: Beautiful question. If you see it as a stepping stone to getting to who you want to become, it should give you the strength to get there. Keep growing in the right direction, it’s all you can do, and reward yourself for every small success. Spend less time berating yourself and more time celebrating yourself. Make that shift right now.

Chani: The other day I had a mental breakdown, and because of this my husband took the day off and really attended to me and it was exactly what I needed. If I held it all together in that moment, I wouldn’t have gotten what I needed, even if I communicated it to my husband. It was because I was authentic in the moment, and a bit out of control, that it made an impact. My question is: why should we control our expressions and feelings when its cathartic and healing to be real!

Leah: It depends on your definition of real. Hashem doesn’t consider us losing it to be real- this is letting our anger take over. Authenticity isn’t our goal, self-mastery and taking care of others and ourselves is our goal. You don’t want your husband living in fear of another episode like this. It may have had a positive outcome of him being there for you, but your husband is now living on glass, and he needs you stable. For those who have had mental lapses or breakdowns, I’m not saying your husband isn’t safe but I’m highlighting that this can’t be the ideal. There are negative ramifications, so it wasn’t a success so please be careful and bring the relationship back to harmony.

Try This At Home:

One time this week when you’re feeling out of control, zip your lips.