Don’t look at her, don’t look at your phone…just look at me!
Don’t miss this Deep Dive episode where Leah addresses pertinent issues that so many of us women deal with, such as body-image insecurities, feeling paranoid that our husband might see a prettier woman or husbands who prefer to look at their phones than their wives! Ladies, listen in; it’s time to feel pretty again!
Viewer Questions:
Naomi: My husband holds his phone wherever he goes, it even goes under his pillow at night. I’ve been begging him to leave it at home and go out for 30 minutes with me without it. He tried it once and had to go back home for it. I’m starting to feel like if he loves his phone so much, he can stay married to it and I’m out!
Leah: Please never say “I’m out” or the word “divorce.” This makes it so real, and everyone can think of many reasons to justify it, but it’s so detrimental to our mental health, and is a slippery slope down for our marriage. Think: “I’m in and I will work on this marriage no matter what!” Obviously, some divorces do need to happen, but many can be avoided. If a car breaks, you don’t throw it out, you fix it. Same with our marriages. If he can’t leave his phone for 30 minutes, this might be an addiction, and it needs help. There’s a lot of information on how to deal with this because it is so common. Shower him with love and gratitude and then try to get him to the other side of it. If not, then learn to love him despite it. It’s hard but it’s possible.
Jenny: My husband always stays calm and even if I’m snappy he stays nice. I wonder if he’s holding things in and inside he feels annoyed at me. Should I encourage him to expresses himself more?
Leah: Certainly, compliment him on how calm and kind he is in the face of your snappiness. During a different calm time, you could express your concern that there might be underlying resentment and see what he says.
Penina: My husband is careful not to look at other women, but I find myself getting so jealous if he does something as simple as looking at the news and there’s a woman there. I ask him why he needs to look if there’s a chance a woman will pop up, and I go cold towards him. I know it annoys him and the problem is my paranoia and jealousy, but I don’t know how to act differently.
Leah: It’s a question of extent; is this 5 minutes a day or 4 hours a day? If it’s infrequent, try to learn to deal with it. In marriage, we need to make compromises. If the site is okay but not as frum as you might want, then maybe learn to live with this. Introspect where the jealousy is from. Do you feel his love will lessen if he sees someone you think is prettier? Listen in at timecode 15:12 to hear what you, and every single woman, should be saying to her husband!
Chaya: I am so uncomfortable with how my body looks after having kids. My husband doesn’t seem bothered, but I don’t see how he can’t be! Every day I feel bad that I don’t look the way I used to and I’m sure he’s thinking things even if he doesn’t say it. What can I do to help myself?
Leah: If this is really affecting your mind and ability to feel loved, you need to speak to a professional. Careful that you’re not looking at the wrong things (magazines, movies) which may be contributing to your negative self-image. There are books on self-image. But this needs to be dealt with because you judging yourself is causing damage. Your husband is probably grateful to have you and your children.
Try This At Home:
Tell your husband that he’s your best friend and you’re the luckiest girl in the world to have him.
