Why doesn’t he get it- I am not and cannot be a morning person! Not now. Not ever.

Join Leah as she continues with Marriage Secrets, pages 307-311, and answers questions about husbands who always seem to require help at the worst possible time or husbands who prefer to speak to a friend than their wife- eek! It’s also time to address the delicate topic of husbands who wish their wives would be someone they’re simply not capable of being.

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Making ourselves available, especially when it is not convenient, expresses that our husband is the most important person in our life. We need to differentiate between urgent and important and always have the goal of closeness to our husbands.
• We are all fixated on our own agenda, which is great for accomplishing, but it can also push those we love away from us. Sacrificing some accomplishments can bring our husband closer to us.
• It’s valuable to recognize our bad moods and that it might be our attitude and not other’s actions which may be impacting us. Switching our attitude from attack to self-reflection will empower us.
• Finding solutions to our bad moods rather than lashing out is crucial.
• It can be helpful to let others know when we are in a bad mood which brings closeness and support rather than distance.
• Managing our moods is one of the most important things we can do for our husband and family, and it also brings us more joy in life.

Viewer Questions:

Abby: I’m not a morning person, and I’ve explained this to my husband so many times, but he still complains about it and wishes I were different. I would love to be happy and energetic in the morning but it’s just not in my genetic code! Since I’ve already warned him about this middah of mine, and I’ve already tried to work on it but haven’t gotten far, what else can I do?

Leah: Think of a humorous way to get the message across. Ask him what you can do which will remind him in a light way. Look at your logistics such as what time you go to sleep, stress levels etc, which might help. Timecode 8:15 will show you how to wake him up to the reality.

Michal: My husband reaches out to me at times he knows I’m busy, and then gets upset when I’m not immediately there for him. What does he expect from me?

Leah: Ladies, it is always the wrong time! There’s never a time a woman is doing nothing. Recognizing this is the first step and then we can take responsibility and work with it. Choose connection over accomplishment- see our show on this. We need to learn to drop things for our husbands. Obviously, not every single time but our mentality needs to shift into this gear for the sake of our ultimate goal of closeness.

Hannah: How can I remember to put my husband’s needs first before our kids when my kids are incapable of helping themselves? The example I always think of is breakfast. My husband likes a very specific breakfast, and he can wait, whereas my kids are hungry right away, so I always tend to them first. Is this wrong?

Leah: Yes. What if your husband says he will do something with you and the kids want to do something else, so he just does what they want. You’d feel second place. This might be hard to hear but thinking about our husband’s feelings is key. It also gives the kids the message that Daddy is more important than they are- which is how it should be. This is not detrimental to them, the complete opposite. If it’s not like this, this needs to be rectified. Listen in at timecode 16:20 to show how putting your husband first brings a safety into the home.

Orit: I try so hard to make myself available for my husband, but he prefers to speak to a friend on the phone than to speak to me. I’ve told him I find it hurtful. Do I need to change or does he?

Leah: Is it possible that his friend is more supportive and compassionate, so he fills his emotional needs more? If so, try upping your compassion. Speak to him about it- timecode 17:50 will show you how to ask him to open up about not opening up! A third party might be helpful if he is feeling more emotionally attached to his friend.

Gittie: My husband and I both tend to be negative, so it’s been hard for us to fight this natural middah (character trait) of ours because we feed off each other. How can we become more optimistic when neither of us can inspire the other?

Leah: You could try learning a sefer (Jewish book) together about middos. Many sources show that having an ayin tova (good eye) changes our circumstances to become better. You definitely need an outside source to work on this, and it would be wonderful to learn together.

Gabi: How can we slow down and not always be doing a million things? I’m always so overwhelmed by my never ending to do list.

Leah: This is very challenging and very common. We have long to-do lists which will never get done so it’s crucial to circle just 3 items from the list so at least we acknowledge and feel good about those accomplishments, and it reduces the general stress. We all enjoy accomplishing but we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to our own detriment. We should jettison as much of our to-do lists as we can.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you’re in a bad mood communicate it in a way that brings closeness.