Help! I did not know my husband would transform into this!
This Deep Dive episode is a must-listen as Leah delves into vulnerable questions from our listeners who feel that the man they live with is not the chosson they married! Tune in to hear how even if our man has changed, perhaps the answer is our perspective which needs to change.
Viewer Questions:
Basya: I’m busy and my husband is busy. I know everyone recommends date night but we have a great marriage and neither of us feel the need to have the pressure of a date night. I always feel guilty that we don’t do it when it’s so highly recommended but if we’re busy and both happy, does it really matter?
Leah: You don’t need it to be a pressure. The thing about date night is that its connecting night. That time together to connect builds resilience for when the hiccups of life happen. At he minimum, set aside 30 minutes of no phone time to chat and connect. Manage the time well so it’s enjoyable and doesn’t become a logistical, stressful conversation.
Raizel: I got married 2 months ago and life was perfect. Then my husband had a serious car accident. He’s now wheelchair bound. It’s a miracle he isn’t paralysed but I went from being a kalla to a carer. I hate that this is my life. I didn’t marry someone to become their carer. I also hate him for not wearing a seatbelt which would have made things much less severe. I act kindly towards him but inside I am burning with anger and sadness.
Leah: This needs serious support either by a therapist or a rebbetzin. You need a lot of support to heal yourself and cope with this challenge. There is a choice when hard things happen to push Hashem way or draw Him closer. It’s so easy to push him away because of the anger and pain. Try to speak to Him and bring Him close to you, even though it’s hard.
Tanya: I realized over the years of marriage that my husband has a problem with watching his eyes. What is the right approach to help him not to look instead of getting upset and angry with him.
Leah: It’s always a bad idea to be a policewoman to your husband. Timecode 11:42 will show you how to have a deep heart-to-heart with a solution that could help.
Dina: I got married last year and feel like I was tricked. My husband is nothing like he seemed. When we were dating, he was so much fun, now he’s always grumpy. I feel like he tricked me.
Leah: It could be hormonal, maybe a medical check-up is necessary. Right now, you’re the victim to how he’s behaving, but we always see it that there is always something the wife can do. Introspect if there’s anything you might be doing- for example, not respecting him. Also, you could say to him that he used to seem much happier and is there anything you can do to help him.
Michal: I enjoy wearing tichels but for some reason my husband is against me wearing them. He only likes when I wear a snood but I personally don’t like the look of a snood. Do I need to wear a snood even if I don’t like the look of it and it doesn’t make me feel pretty? What’s your opinion?
Leah: You need to know why. If it’s because he feels it’s more tznius (modest) then this is different to him thinking you look prettier in it. If it has a halachic reason, then you should be following his will as this will bring more brocha into your home. You need to have a conversation with him to find out. If it’s just a preference, then express your feelings about how you feel pretty and find a compromise.
Fruma: My husband’s sisters are very into named brands and styles. I’m more simple and practical. I always think I’m not posh enough for my husband because of his family’s lifestyle. Do I need to step up my game?
Leah: Has he said anything about it? If not, no, continue to be as you are. If he has said something, listen in at timecode 23:47 to hear how to play this.
Zahava: I have become very successful in my business. I feel like my husband is a bit jealous. He picks apart my career and I don’t know what approach to take with him.
Leah: Have you asked him this? At a calm time, express how you feel and ask him what to do about this. Try to understand his feelings. Come back to being teammates. It’s also possible that the job is impacting how you look after your house or family. Introspect if that could be a possibility.
Try This At Home:
Introspect one thing you’re not seeing eye to eye on and journal how to communicate about this.
