Do you ever look back and wonder what you accomplished and where the time went? In this episode, Leah chats with author and teacher Robin Meyerson to break down step by step how to avoid wasting your life.

We want to maximize our life in this world and for eternity. Rabbi Chaim Vital says that the majority of our eternity is determined by how we treat our spouse. So the best way to maximize our life and eternity is to be the best spouse we can be. How?

Step #1: Define your purpose

What is your purpose as a wife? Choose a verb or adjective that you most connect with your vision of your marriage. I want to be a…loving spouse, creative spouse, nurturing spouse, supportive spouse- whatever most resonates with you. Write it down and put it where you’ll see it daily.

Step #2: Make Goals

Is your husband on your to-do list? What can you do for him today? This week? This month? This year?

Don’t guess what he needs — talk to him about his desires. Your final goals should be private (you can share with a supportive friend/mentor) and cover each of the following areas:

• Pray for a better marriage.
• Did I take care of my health for my sake and his benefit?
• Did I budget properly for my spouse’s needs and wants?
• How can I make Shabbos and holidays better for my spouse?
• Did I have fun with my husband? Laugh together, date, go away together?
• How do I make our physical surroundings better for my spouse?
• What brings my husband true satisfaction and joy?
• Can I learn something my spouse wants to learn or that he wants ME to learn? (how to play tennis, how to be organized, a Torah class, etc.)
• What 2 character traits can I work on that will benefit my husband? (I am judgmental, so I will work on not judging my hubby for leaving his socks on the floor.)

Viewer question: When do you choose his needs and when do you choose yours when they contradict?

Robin: Set the stage for a serious conversation: when you’re both in good moods, well-fed and well-rested, try to brainstorm how to get both needs met. What are the roots of your needs? Can they be met in other ways? Be vulnerable and ask for his help- how can I make you happy without hurting myself?

Step #3: Timeline

What is doable for me with these goals today? What can I do this week? This month? This year? Try to be realistic so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Step #4: Mindsets

• Live in the present — let go of the past. Focus on what is right in front of you.
• G-d loves you. Trust His journey.
• G-d is always present in your day so reach out to Him.
• Control your thoughts: If you get a negative thought, stop for a second — drop the thought — and roll away from it to something positive
• You are building a spiritual bank account with your spouse- how many nice words did I say to him, etc.
• Effort vs results. You just have to try. Results are up to G-d.
• Know the map of moods. Timing is so important for relationships. Know how to navigate when is the right time to discuss meaningful things.

Step #5: Review

Keep the paper with all the steps on it in an easily accessible place so you can look at it daily.

To hear an encouraging and inspiring parable from Robin about marriage and a Chinese bamboo tree, tune in at 46:59!

Try This at Home

Sit down and write out your purpose and goals and keep it where you can look at it daily.

Press the arrow on the bottom right to scroll up to watch the show!

Additional Links:

• Check out Robin Meyerson’s website!