Do you ever feel like you’re putting on a show? Do you wish you could be your true self without worrying about what other people think of you? In this episode, Leah talks with Gila Manolson, popular lecturer and author of The Magic Touch (among other books), to break down how to be your genuine self.

Leah jumps right in: Just to clarify, what does it mean to be putting on a show?

Gila responds: Putting on a show is when you are being anything other than your authentic self, or when you are portraying yourself as a perfect wife/mother/friend/etc. in front of others.

Leah: How do you know what your authentic self is?

Gila: Great question! Ask yourself: that thing I just said…is that really my opinion? Is that really how I feel? It’s ok to temper your feelings or opinions for the sake of diplomacy, but you should always know what your own genuine feelings and opinions are and live your life accordingly.

Another way to find authenticity is to spend a lot of time with yourself. Try to step back from the roles you fulfill in life and see who you are underneath. Who are you now and who do you want to be in ten years? Accept who you are now and take small steps towards the goals of future you.

Viewer question: Your mother was obviously a great role model on how to be a genuine individual. What if you didn’t grow up with that model?

Gila: It’s never too late to find a role model. Find and hang out with people you admire in this area.

Gila’s favorite word is wholesome. What does it mean? To be truly unpretentious, natural, comfortable in your own skin, and not worried about what other people think or do if it doesn’t match your own values.

Leah: How do we grow wholesomeness within ourselves?

Gila: The less involved we are in social media, the easier it is to access. Social media is so image-oriented and superficial. People rarely, if ever, relate to you because of your internal self over social media. You can’t let it pull you in and rule you.

Gila adds: The beauty industry preys on our insecurities and makes us think we are only as good as our physical selves. It’s fine to wear makeup, as long as you don’t feel like you’re not ok without it. Wholesomeness is about being who we are, not who other people think we should be.

Viewer question: There is such a thing as communal expectations and not fitting in could put our kids at risk of not getting into schools, etc.

Gila: It is definitely necessary to compromise at times, at least outside the home. Stay as close as you can to who you are. Do as many “normal” things as possible to fit in the community that don’t feel too not-you, so that you can stick to the authentic out-of-the-box things that really matter to you. The community may chuckle at your differences, but they will appreciate them when you find ways to share them and contribute to the community.

When praying, the morning blessings can be read as affirmations of authenticity:

• Poke’ach ivrim — Thank you, Hashem, for opening my eyes to the beauty of the world You created and all its inhabitants, in all their uniqueness, including my own.
• Malbish arumim — Thank you, Hashem, for allowing me to dress with dignity in a way that reflects my unique self.
• Matir asurim — Thank you, Hashem, for freeing me of any mental constraints that could keep me from being the unique individual You want me to be.
• Zokef kefufim — Thank you, Hashem, for helping me stand upright when life pushes me down and allowing me to maintain my uniqueness.
• Roka ha’aretz al hamayim — Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the terra firma and security of knowing that You want me to be my unique self.
• She’asah li kol tzorki — Thank you, Hashem, for giving me everything I need to express my uniqueness.
• Hamechin mitz’adei gaver — Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the ability to go in the unique direction I choose.
• Ozer Yisrael big’vurah — Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the courage to continually affirm my uniqueness.
• Oter Yisrael betif’arah — Thank you, Hashem, for crowning me with the glory of being Your child and unique creation.
• Hanoten leya’ef ko’ach — Thank you, Hashem, for giving me the strength to endure the exile until the redemption comes, when the uniqueness of every human will be realized and appreciated.
• Hama’avir shenah me’einai utenuman me’af’apai — Thank you, Hashem, for waking me up to the realization that I must go through my day with full realization of my uniqueness.

Viewer question: If you’ve been a certain way with your spouse, how do you change authentically how you are with him?

Gila: It has to be gradual, not a sudden 360-degree change. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. People are happiest being their true selves. So start taking those steps, and explain to him how happy it is making you.

The point is to be true to yourself in a quiet, genuine and wholesome way!

Try This at Home

Think of one thing you really love doing and start doing it. This is an expression of your authentic self! If possible, find a way to use it to contribute to your community.

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Additional Links:

• Check out Gila Manolson’s latest book Finding Ourselves in the Crowd!