How can I have a stable marriage when I married Mr Unstable?
Join Leah as she addresses listener’s questions about a husband who acts silly and says outrageous things, a husband who had a troubling childhood but refuses therapy, and a husband who can’t bring in money. Ladies, there can be hope amongst the chaos.
Viewer Questions:
Sara: I listen to your show so I know about being a receiver. My question is, what happens when I feel like I am being a good receiver but my husband still doesn’t bring in any parnassa. Am I not being a good enough receiver? What can I do?
Leah: You’re planting the right seeds for sure, but it’s not guaranteed. When a woman becomes a receiver, she often doesn’t know how to do it- there are still expectations which taint our ability to fully receive. Is being a receiver fully integrated? Or, right now, this challenge with parnassa is exactly what you need in your home but brocha from your efforts is coming through your children or in other ways. You can count on Hashem’s plan.
Orit: My husband acts silly, says outrageous things, makes fun of people and uses inappropriate humor because he gets attention for it. He also likes to dress a bit outrageous for our circles. I wish he would be dignified and serious, which is how he presented when we were dating. I did not know this side of him before we got married. Please help!
Leah: You might need to speak to a Rov if the ways he changed are bordering deception. But if it’s a matter of thwarted expectations, which is hard for sure, who can you be in the face of what you’ve been handed. Most people are dealing with circumstances they didn’t choose. Who are you going to be in this circumstance? Brainstorm ways to approach this in a non judgemental way. You didn’t expect this, but think about the good things he’s bringing into the relationship that you also didn’t expect. Also think about how you can give him attention in a positive way. Introspect how much energy you’re pouring into what other people might think of him versus making your home loving and safe for your husband.
Chana Rivka: My husband has recently discovered that he is troubled by aspects of his relationship with his parents. He won’t go to therapy. As his wife, what can I do for him and how can I support him?
Leah: Just ask if he wants to talk it out. Set aside a time to go for a walk and be there. Therapy is fantastic but a person can’t be dragged to it. Find articles and share them with him or gently encourage him to read up about it. Your job is to support him how you can whilst letting him choose the direction he wants to go. If it’s severe, you could go to a therapist to see how to best help him. But no forcing or nagging. Most husbands can heal from a wife’s unconditional love.
Mindy: I get on well with my husband but I don’t know what to do when we disagree. For example, we’re able to buy a home and I want to apply for a mortgage but he won’t yet. I want to try for another baby as we’re getting older but he wants to wait until we’re more settled and we have a house, but this could take a long time. I don’t know how to get him to change his mind.
Leah: If a woman is doing everything to give her husband honor and control, he’ll be quicker to bend his ear to her. If he’s not listening to you about crucial things, start implementing the shalom bayis mesorah more and he’ll start to listen to you more. Check your way of communicating. Listen in at timecode 21.40 to hear how to approach your husband so he’ll listen.
Try This At Home:
Introspect how much energy you’re pouring into what other people might think of your husband versus making your home loving and safe for him.
