Ready for your marriage to change?
We are so excited about this new series! Ever wondered what the most common marriage issues are? Or how to handle conflict? Or how to keep the spark alive? Wonder no more! We will be bringing on top experts to answer these questions. Join Leah with Mindy Wiesner as they delve into these burning questions we all have.
What are some of the most common marriage issues people come to you with?
- Often, people come because of a lack of information, but more often the issue is a lack of integration.
- We think marriage is our happy place where we’re constantly connected. But marriage is like life- it doesn’t always feel good; it’s a place of growth. In life, we have times that are rough and times that are pleasant and marriage is a balance of the two.
- We tend to resist unpleasant experiences, but it’s like a spring that we push down. We spend so much effort pushing it down that we don’t enjoy life. For example, when we feel anger, it’s unpleasant so we try to repress the anger. Either we’ll implode or explode. Imploding leaks out and everyone feels it even if we don’t say anything, and exploding is showing our anger.
- Let’s try to look at what’s beneath the anger and connect with the underlying hurt. We need to notice the anger and take a few seconds to be aware of the message Hashem is sending us through our body.
What are some common marriage misconceptions?
- Hashem has designed marriage in a way that we marry the person who will help us complete unfinished childhood business. We trigger each other in the ways that will make us work in the ways we need.
- The myth is that we look at everyone else and think no one else struggles in marriage. We have different areas but every couple will struggle because the point is to trigger each other to encourage growth.
How should women handle conflict in marriage?
- Conflict has a bad reputation, but perhaps conflict is okay. No conflict means no connection.
- Conflict means hope, because it’s looking for connection.
- In every fight we’re silently asking, “do you care about me? Am I important to you?”
- We need to look beyond the conflict at what’s going on inside. Sometimes we need to be right, and the only way to be right is if they’re wrong. We don’t need to work on the particulars of the conflict but look at why a person needs to be right.
- Conflict opens up more desires and growth once we’re out of it.
Aside from date night, how can couples keep the spark alive?
- Date night is great if it works. If it’s stressful then it becomes another source of contention.
- If you want to make changes in life, they have to be fun and small.
- When we’re looking for connection, it starts with the safety of feeling heard and understood. Safety is an outcome of trust. When we can trust that our husband is committed to me and the marriage, we can let go and feel safe. On this connection comes the spark of marriage.
- So, let’s try working on being a safe wife to our husband- am I smiling/listening/showing I’m committed?
