‘Money doesn’t grow on trees!’ – Umm, does anyone know whether it grows on bushes then?

Join Leah for a Deep Dive session where brave ladies ask their questions about having messed up a husband’s job, wanting a husband to leave his job or wanting more money. Listen in and weigh up whether you’d prefer to have financial security or a husband who is madly devoted to you.

Viewer Questions:

Esti: My husband keeps encouraging me to exercise and says it’s because he wants me to be healthy. But I feel so hurt as if he’s just calling me fat.

Leah: The question is, did you speak to him about it? If not, listen in at timecode 01:30 to hear how. Show him that it hurts you in a way that’s soft, not defensive. The emotions are strong but the softer you can communicate, the better it will go. Show him that it makes you feel far from him when all you want is closeness. If you’ve spoken from your heart and he just doesn’t get it, then make a ground rule that he should never bring up this topic because it’s just too hurtful.

Maya: My husband’s boss is a bully, and I keep encouraging him to leave. It’s affecting his mental health. It took him a long time to find a job so he tells me that not having a job will affect his mental health more. I’ve run out of compassion because there is a way out and I’m fed up of living with his suffering.

Leah: You think he’s being affected mentally but his opinion is that his mental health will be more affected if he leaves, so you’re questioning his judgment call. A wife should never question her husband’s judgment call. If you bolster him and respect his opinion, it might give him the strength he needs. I’m not saying it’s your fault but it’s something to keep in mind. It’s an unfortunate situation but at least he’s bringing money in, and if he feels productive then that needs to be respected. The more you allow your man to steer your ship, the stronger he’ll be.

Lea: I wanted to know if feeling more financially secure is a fair need to have?

Leah: A woman can have many wants met and it will mean nothing, but she can have just three needs met and she is a different person. Your question is valid but my question to you is when you prioritized your needs from your wants, how high up was this need? Would you rather have a husband who is totally devoted to you or financial security? You need to do the exercise of understanding your wants versus needs. If you’re terrified about finances and it’s affecting your life then maybe it is, but I’d guess that it might not be a top one.

Sheindy: Leah, I need some chizuk (encouragement). My husband had a job opportunity for a large project (over 10 million dollars) I had concurrent work meetings and said I couldn’t watch the kids. We tried to get outside help, but no one was available.  He tried to take the client on the phone, but the client refused to talk to him since he couldn’t show up in person. I’m feeling so guilty that I didn’t bear the brunt of the childcare and inconvenience of interrupting kids during my work meetings. He has been struggling to make consistent money and we need to cover debts from his past periods of low work. However, I’m still fairly new to my job and my job makes consistent money paying for our bills. I’m looking for some words of wisdom. Is this a learning opportunity for me? Or was this client not meant for us? Was I just being selfish? What to do?

Leah: I imagine you’re eating yourself up with guilt. That juncture where you were deciding who should watch the kids should have been his decision to make. A shift needs to happen in your marriage as this kind of choice should be up to your husband. There is a king in the home and that’s your husband and that was his decision to make. Even if that’s hard to hear, when you do follow the mesorah (Jewish tradition) in this way there is so much brocha (blessing) that will pour into your home. You will never lose out by doing what Hashem wants you to do, this is guaranteed.  Now, your job is to go back to him and show him you feel you made a mistake and now you recognize that he is the captain of your ship. Then follow through and do what you can to raise him and lift him to be like the king, it’s hard work but the rewards are infinite.

Try This At Home:

One time this week do one thing to totally raise your husband up and treat him like the king.