Do you ever wish your life had a do-over button? That you could erase the words you just said? The solution is closer than you might think!

Join Leah as she continues Chapter 8 of Marriage Secrets with pages 186-189 and teaches you some life-changing magic words!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Using our feminine charm, rather than shooting commands, creates closeness and shalom (peace).
• When we slip up, (yes when, not if!) we can immediately rephrase by saying: “Let me try that again.”
• Self-correction midstream is a learned skill which can reap untold rewards.

Viewer Questions:

Mimi: I love the idea you speak about how the husband brings in the bracha (blessing), and we are the vessels to welcome and hold his bracha. My question is: Is asking my husband for something asking for him to bring in bracha? Should I not ask and let him offer and that’s when he’s bringing in the bracha? I hope that makes sense…thank you!

Leah: Just to clarify, they’re not my ideas- they’re from Chazal (our sages)! If a woman isn’t receiving from and thanking her husband, the bracha isn’t entering. If she’s soliciting bracha by asking for needs so she can receive and thank him, that’s great. Check out our show Damsel in Distress to see how our husbands crave our neediness and feel closer to us when we display it.

Tamara: I’d love to learn how to communicate encouragement towards my husband. I often feel like I sound so fake and cheesy when I try to encourage my husband. He actually told me once that I sound like I’m his mother, and that he feels patronized and degraded, and I was trying so hard to uplift him! Would love some tips. Thank you!

Leah: The best tip is that every husband is different, and you know him best, so you need to talk to him. Tune in at 11:40 to see how to communicate this by putting the problem in his lap.

Bayla: I started using ‘Let me try this again’, and now I say it more often than I say anything else. It’s really shocking how often I need to rethink what comes out of my mouth- I feel kind of down on myself that I have so far to go.

Leah: The work you are doing is awesome and you WILL see results. There’s no need to feel bad about yourself when you are trying to get better. There’s always a gap between where we are and where we want to be but our determination to battle our inclination is what matters. You have a goal, and you are working toward it- it’s not where you are on the ladder, it’s whether you’re going up or down.

Adina: My husband gets very frustrated when we’re having an argument because I always ask to take space and regroup for a few minutes so I can think clearly and stay calm, while he likes to work things out right as they happen. Should I continue to ask for space first even though it really adds to my husband’s frustration?

Leah: It’s possible that you’re saying you need space to shut him out. So here’s some difficult homework:

1) Write down all the reasons and rationales for why you need space in a discussion. Be honest and own up if you are using it for unhealthy reasons.

2) Plan a conversation with your husband about it to discuss your findings- listen in at 19:47 for an exemplary conversation of how to bring you closer as you share this. Use your own words that feel sincere and be vulnerable. If you don’t have a history of good communication with conflicts, you may need a third party.

Leela: Sometimes I worry that it feels a little bit like my husband and I are running a business together instead of a loving marriage, because the bulk of our conversations are about our to do list and our kids. Any tips for fostering more connecting conversation?

Leah: Regular date night- with no logistics or kids talk- is crucial. Make a list of questions to ask him which will help him open up and make sure you’re deeply listening to him. Also, you need to have an outlet for one hour a week, mostly for yourself but also to have more conversation topics with your husband. Everyone is frazzled but we need those times for ourselves- it will make you less frazzled in the long run. You may need to sell your husband on the idea of “us” time if he’s not into date night. It’s so important to know how to connect with each other irrespective of your kids… your kids won’t always be around!

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you feel disconnected from your husband, do some introspection about what you might be doing to push him away. Extra credit if you work on fixing it!