We all love to laugh…unless it’s over and over again at that same old Dad joke. Why would we
be expected to pretend something is funny when it’s not?

This Secret Wives Club Q&A session addresses this and other burning questions from YOU, our
audience- cuz marriage is no joke!

Viewer Questions:
Tali asks: I know that women are like the neck and men are like the head- we control the
direction of our home. Is that why we might hold more of the responsibility for the
marriage?
Leah: This answer is going to cause a political tsunami, but if you swallow your initial reaction
and try it, it is guaranteed to make you happier. Make your spouse your captain, and you will see
him taking care of you in ways you’ve only ever dreamed. You can’t have two kings. Hashem
(G-d) made the man king, and if you stop fighting that and embrace it, you will see how well it
works. Your husband is the captain and you are the navigator. If you give him information to
influence his decisions, without taking away his control, he will embrace your influence.

Viewer Ora comments: Is that why the expression pain in the neck is so popular?

Margo asks: Can you give us some practical examples of making our husband our king?
Leah:

1. Never sit in your husband’s chair
   • Even if he never notices or cares, you are instilling in yourself a sense of respect for him
2. Don’t interrupt him
   • Even to ask questions or finish his sentences. This is a relationship game-changer!
3. Laugh at his jokes
   • No matter how tempting it is to roll your eyes, laugh. Even if it’s fake! He is trying to connect with you.

Follow-up from Margo: Not interrupting is the hardest because he can talk and talk, while
the bathtub is overflowing, the food is burning…how can I do both?
Leah: You can say, “I definitely want to hear what you have to say- can you give me 20 minutes
while I get everything set up and then I can really give you the attention I want to.” And make
sure you follow through! How well you listen to him will determine how often he opens up to
you and how much you connect with each other. We’ll discuss this more later in the book.

Miriam asks: What if he says the same joke over and over again and you’ve heard it 1000
times?
Leah: Unfortunately, yes. It is so important. He’s trying to bond with you- don’t reject him.

Esther asks: Is there a difference between supporting and respecting your husband?
Leah: People cringe at the thought of having to respect, not realizing what a bond it creates.
Respect is granted, not earned, at every opportunity. Support means that you are 100% with him,
even when you think he’s wrong. Your support will bring peace, so G-d will bless the decision,
even if it’s the wrong one. A blessed decision is better than a right one.

Rina: Can you explain more about how when a woman gives, she’s actually receiving?
Leah: For an analogy to clarify, tune in at 27:24. We’ll get into the giver/receiver dynamic
much deeper as we go on.

Try This at Home:
One time this week, give your spouse 15 minutes to decompress when he first gets home.