Life is so hectic- it can be hard to know when to let things go and when to grab control. Anyway, aren’t we supposed to be helping our husbands- after all they need us!
In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 6 of Marriage Secrets with pages 138-141 and she brings some much needed clarity into our lives!
Leah’s Points to Ponder:
- Letting control slip through your fingers and into your husband’s hand is empowering.
- Decisions which you allow your husband to control will be blessed
- Move along the continuum from controller to influencer.
Viewer Questions:
Tamar: If I relinquish control and give it to my husband, won’t that make him too controlling?
Leah: This comes up a lot! Surprisingly, the opposite is true. Listen in at time code 09:30 for a lightbulb moment-shockingly counterintuitive yet it will ring true! The more control you give him, the more he will bend to listen to you.
Miriam: I just want to let you know that I’ve been working on letting go of control when my husband disciplines the kids even when it’s hard. Then yesterday, when my daughter broke a rule, he turned to me and said, “What do you think we should do, Ima?” I almost fell off my chair!
Leah: Love it! Thanks for the feedback!
Geula: My husband is in control at work as the CEO and when he comes home, he doesn’t want to be in control. He gives me the reins, is that ok?
Leah: The problem is, you might have ingrained habits of trying to be in control so it can be hard to differentiate between his genuine wish to let go versus his exasperation from years of fighting you for control. Tune in at 16:30 to hear how to discern which one it is! If you have sufficiently bolstered him and he genuinely wants you to make decisions, then that is fine. But I still wouldn’t make any big decisions without him.
Sarah: I’m so frustrated! When I ask my husband what he wants, he always says “what do you want to do?” I wish he would take more control!
Leah: The main thing is to understand your husband and why he is bouncing it back to you- is it a self-esteem issue or could it be that he’s expecting a battle and wants to avoid it? Have a clear goal in mind to watch everything that comes out of your mouth- is it controlling or influencing? Move along this continuum towards influencing and you will start to see fruits of your labor.
Sarah: Can we influence too much – to the point where our husband picks up on it and thinks we’re secretly being controlling?
Leah: Tune in at time code 21:18 to hear an incredible analogy of how to influence without using control. Leaving it ultimately in their hands is the secret and it is so rewarding.
Rivka: My husband has a very controlling mom and so is very sensitive to anything that seems like I’m controlling. Even if I use an example of influencing, he still sees it as control. Should I just never say anything?
Leah: You need to ask him- listen in at 23:08 to hear how to present it in a way he would like to hear it! When you are caring about his emotional needs, you will start to see a difference in his behavior towards you.
Try This at Home:
One time this week, when you are about to control, switch over to an influence mode.
