I’d love to do more chesed, just one slight problem gets in the way…LIFE!
Join Leah with Guest Speaker Rabbi Paysach Krohn as they discuss how a woman can do chesed without it negatively impacting her family. Tune in and be captivated by Rabbi Krohn’s legendary storytelling and perspectives and learn how to become an expert juggler of chesed and life!
Viewer’s Questions:
Leah: How can a woman do chesed (kindness) without it negatively impacting her family?
What is TEAM? Together Everyone Accomplishes More. It’s advisable to give children chores around the house so they’re part of the team. When your children are proud of the chesed you do, it won’t negatively affect your family. Get your children involved in the chesed. Also, remember, it’s important to have guests on Shabbos, but not every Shabbos; guests are important, but family is priority.
Shalva: What can a woman tell herself to make the chesed she does in the home feel more like chesed and not like boring chores?
However much you can, bring your kids in. When you do the chores you anyway do, find ways to make it into a chesed.
Hadassa: How can a woman shift from doing chesed because it makes her feel good to doing it for the right reasons?
Don’t over-analyse yourself. You’re doing a mitzva, be happy and proud that you’re being a giver.
Libby: I feel like I would have to become a drill sergeant to get the kids to help out. I’d rather not nag and just do it myself- is that okay?
No, get the kids involved. They’ll become as you are so set the example. If you’re doing for others, let them know- this helps build them and gives them what to emulate. But make sure they know they’re the priority, e.g never answer the phone during supper.
Leah: What if the chesed is impacting your husband?
The priority is always the spouse and the home. Children need to learn this too. If it’s between chesed or doing something for your husband- he comes first.
Sarah Bracha: My kids get annoyed when they see me doing chesed for others as they feel it takes up too much of my time. How do I get that balance?
There needs to be a balance of how much is done when the kids are around. Whatever phone calls or logistics can be done once they’re in bed, should be done then. If they need to sit with you and do homework or want you to tell them a story, make sure to be available. This always comes first.
Basya: I love to do chesed whenever I can, but my husband prefers I do less so I’m not so tired and overworked. I enjoy it and don’t feel it impacts my family. Should I still be doing less just because he’s asking?
Positively- the most important thing in a family is that there should be shalom bayis. The way to bring simcha into a house is when a husband and wife recognize each other’s needs. This is priority.
Suri: As women, we are so overwhelmed, it feels impossible to take on anything else. What is one small chesed the Rov recommends we can do without feeling more overwhelmed?
If you’re anyway baking, double the recipe. Don’t go specially and bake. Find things you’re anyway doing and see if you can find an opportunity for chesed within that.
Leah: Doing chesed brings recognition and appreciation which women often don’t get in the home. How can women feel fulfilled in the home despite this?
One of the avodas (services) the Kohen had to do was to clean the menorah. This too was an avoda– we don’t always get to light the fire, smetimes we have to clean the ashes. Each stage of life has its avoda and this is important and valuable. Also, it’s important to compliment your spouse in front of the children, and vice-versa as this helps us to feel more fulfilled.
Chani: My husband offers my help without asking me first. I feel spread so thin and am not always up for it. I also don’t want to look bad in front of my husband. I used to be able to do a lot more but now with a bigger family it has become too much. How can I balance respecting my husband and knowing my limits?
Go on a date with your husband and express how difficult it is for you. Explain to him what your limits are.
Raizy: Is it better to sit and say Tehillim or go out and do chesed? I find that I don’t have time for both.
Do chesed. When you give of your time, funds or heart, you’ll get back. Tehillim is important but Hashem wants everyone in the family working together.
Ask your children: Did you do anything to help someone today or to make someone smile?
