Ever feel like you try to be supportive but it just backfires?

Join Leah as she continues Marriage Secrets with pages 247-250 and addresses how to rectify unhealthy boundaries and unhealthy outbursts and helps us to always have our husband’s back! Feet up, sit back and learn how to be that supportive wife.

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Leaving the room can help curb anger. looking away will prevent angry facial expressions being noticed.
• We often feel justified in our anger as we find evidence against those making us feel angry.
• Hashem just expects us to grow in our anger responses, not to be angels and never feel anger.
• Anger work is never done, it needs constant refreshing.
• Being slow to anger and easy to pacify will help us master this trait.

Viewer Questions:

Miri: My boss tells me I should be more assertive and fiercer. In my home I’m working on staying soft. Will it work to have two personas depending on where I am?

Leah: I’m not sure your boss wants you to be harsh or angry, but rather firm. Aggression at work won’t necessarily spill over, it might mean extra work for you, but it’s certainly do-able.

Chaviva: We struggle with setting boundaries in our relationship, and it often leads to conflicts. How can we establish healthy boundaries to prevent misunderstandings and anger outbursts?

Leah: This needs more clarification.

Shira: Someone was rude to my husband, and I shouted at them not to talk to my husband like that. Is there a place for anger if it’s to show my husband I have his back?

Leah: It depends on the harshness- lashing out might show you up- it can always be said in a softer way. We don’t know why Hashem (God) put anger in the world, but He did put it there. This certainly counts as using it for the good, but perhaps there is a softer way of using it.

Rina: I like to joke, and I find it humorous to bug my husband and he gets frustrated but I’m just trying to create a jokey atmosphere because he is so serious. I don’t see what the harm is.

Leah: If it ain’t working, it ain’t working! Timecode 11:26 will help you communicate the need for a lighter atmosphere without accusing him of being too heavy. It’s a beautiful thing to lighten the atmosphere but taking him into consideration is even more beautiful.

Tzippy: After so many years of yelling and having outbursts, I feel I’ve lost the trust of my kids and husband. I’m trying hard but any time I slip up, I lose their trust again. What do I do?

Leah: Middos (character traits) don’t split- if we’re working on this with our husband, it will trickle into our other relationships. Having said that, it can be empowering to own up to our mistakes to our children too. Timecode 12:50 will show you how to build that first step of closeness and trust.

Chaviva: We struggle with setting boundaries in our relationship, and it often leads to conflicts. How can we establish healthy boundaries to prevent misunderstandings and anger outbursts?

Chaviva’s follow up: What I mean by boundaries is he is always telling me what to do about what I should do at work or how I should cook or raise the kids.

Leah: Speaking to a Rabbi about a wife’s and husband’s boundaries will be helpful before approaching him. Then it’s a matter of using our binah yiseira (female intuition) to effectively bring out the best in our husband. If you get angry when he steps onto your territory, you need to work on that. Even if a Rabbi says he shouldn’t interfere, this needs to be communicated well- good communication is the answer.

Kayli: I’m extremely loud and my husband is extremely quiet. He often tells me to stop yelling and getting so worked up, when really, I’m just being animated. I feel like he just doesn’t get me!

Leah: Listen in at 20:03 to hear how to tone down without being turned down. Hand the problem to him and find ways to compromise.

Shoshana: My husband started a night job (he learns during the day), and he told me he feels guilty the whole time because he knows I would want him to be home to spend time together. Of course, I would want him home but I’m so happy for him to get out and bring extra money into the home. How can I go about him encouraging him and making him feel good about himself. (I have trouble expressing myself sometimes.)

Leah: If you have trouble expressing yourself, write him a letter. Timecode 21:56 will give you the tips you need to show him love, appreciation and encouragement.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, analyse your anger triggers.