Every marriage has arguments, even healthy ones…right? How do you know if the amount of your arguments is normal or not?

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 3 of Marriage Secrets with pages 62-64, and gives you the scoop on bringing the healthy into your arguments.

Tune in for the first 4 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:18!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• “Shalom(peace) in the world always starts with shalom bayis (peace in the home).” (R’ Shmuel Kamenetsky)
• “Every woman should know that when, after 120, she arrives inShamayim (Heaven), and she has succeeded in having shalom bayis, in the eyes of Hashem (G-d) she will have lived a successful life.” (ibid.)
• Women have the unique ability to bring out the best in our husbands and help them maximize their potential just as we maximize ours.

Leeba: My husband and I are going through a bumpy time right now due to some difficult life circumstances. I find I turn away from him when times get tough instead of toward him. I’m just used to coping with challenges on my own, in my own way, but I know it would be healthier to turn to him and use these times to bring us closer. What would you suggest I try?

Leah: Every circumstance, no matter how difficult, Hashem has tailored for you to bring out your best. Your coping strategy is counter to this goal. So do some introspection and ask yourself why this tends to be your strategy. Once you know why you default to that, you can better plan how to handle things differently.

Tanya:  A woman has so much power to bring her husband and herself to their highest potentials. But I don’t feel powerful. I feel overwhelmed and incapable of handling so much.

Leah: Being overwhelmed is in the air we breathe these days. You have to really celebrate the little things you got right that day. You should also minimize your to-do list as much as possible and delegate whatever you can.

Esther: How do I know if my husband and I have a healthy marriage or not? We argue every few days at least but it never gets very heated. Is this normal?

Leah: Tune in at 11:55 to hear a fascinating study that was done on this topic! It’s not how often you argue, it’s how you come back to harmony, that really tells you about the health of your relationship, https://neurofitnessfoundation.org/amoxil-treat-infections/.

Laura: I feel so much pressure to work because most of my friends do and it seems it’s just the way of the world now. All I want is to be a stay-at-home mom. How do I stay strong in this resolve when it seems that I’m a lone fish in the pond and when we can definitely use an extra salary? Tuition is expensive!

Leah: First of all, check out our episode How to Make Your Husband Rich. Next off, realize that it has to logistically work in your life. Working from home might be a good compromise for you. If it’s just social pressure, not financial, you can work on making your wants and needs more important than what other people think.  If being home with your kids is important to you, G-d will give you the money to enable you to stay at home. You have to be the receiver of your husband’s blessing- watch the show linked above- it will clarify this!

Millie: Everything in life now is double hard. I’m working 2-3 jobs and it still doesn’t seem to be enough. Where are all the rabbis helping couples and families at this time and what can a couple do to make their relationship a priority when they’re being pulled in so many different directions?

Leah: If they made their marriage a #1 priority- they wouldn’t be pulled in so many directions. End of story.

Dana: We have a newborn at home and my husband hasn’t bonded with her yet. I’m tired at the end of the day and want to have a few minutes to myself but he says, “She doesn’t like me.” and won’t hold her. I don’t want to force the bond- I just want to take a ten-minute shower lol! How can I get him to give me the break I need?

Leah: Find a peaceful moment to have the conversation. Think outside the box to get the help you need to shower. It’s best to deal with it outside of the relationship, since it’s likely a temporary issue. Newborns can be hard to feel comfortable with at first.

Sara: My daughter is showing me signs that she wants to go off the derech (path of Judaism). I’m not one to force anything on anyone.  I would prefer that my children choose for themselves, but my husband isn’t happy about this. I don’t know what to do to help my daughter and to help my husband understand that patience is key.

Leah: More than patience is key, information is key. You’re not the first person going through this, so get all the info you can from people who know about this type of situation.

Bina: What are some tips for strengthening my Emunah (faith in G-d)? I feel like I’m so lost in the mundane activities of life that I don’t feel like I’m walking with Hashem (G-d). When challenges arise, I don’t turn to Hashem at first- I just get really upset. It takes me awhile to remind myself that Hashem is in charge. Realistically, what can I do?

Leah: Different things work for different personalities…post-it notes with inspirational sayings, davening, try whatever helps you. Tune in at 23:01 for a true, personal Emunah story! This is daily work that is never fully done- realizing you’re not where you want to be is the first step of growth- and that’s awesome!

Try This at Home:

Do one thing between now and next week to increase your Emunah (faith in G-d).