Life is busy! We have a to-do list and there is nothing more satisfying than crossing things off that list. And it all needs to get done, right?

Join Leah as she continues Chapter 9 of Marriage Secrets with pages 209-211 and reveals the game-changing relationship between accomplishing and connecting. Put watching this show on your to-do list!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• The world is addicted to accomplishing, but being efficient and developing a relationship are mutually exclusive.
• Mothers used to feel justified in sitting and doing nothing with their children but nowadays mothers feel they need to be “accomplishing” something simultaneously, due to the drive of being and doing more.
• Masculine qualities have been glorified and our homes suffer as a result.
• We need to stop and give our family our fullest selves and connect more.

Viewer Questions:

Penina: When I try and connect with my husband and share things that I would like to do with him, he gets defensive and says that I have it good in comparison to other husbands. What should I do?

Leah: That is often a sign that he is not feeling your gratitude enough. Shower him with approval and gratitude. Avoid complaining and shower him with appreciation. More tips to come.

Ruchama: It’s busy season at work so my husband leaves at 6 AM and comes home at 10 PM and I literally never see him. Since this is just temporary, should I wait to connect to him and spend more time with him when he’s more physically available?

Leah: If you can take a nap and then spend time with him at 10pm when he gets home, that would be ideal. Leaving it to Shabbos or when his schedule changes is not going to be sustainable. Your relationship needs more connection than that, so figure out your logistics to be there for your husband whenever he is available.

Tamar: Unfortunately, due to some difficult life challenges my husband has become a good old grouch. It’s been so hard to connect to him when he’s just so unpleasant to interact with. Should I just hope this is a temporary phase he’ll come out from? What can I do when I know I can’t change him?

Leah: Grouchiness can be contagious. But there is ALWAYS something a wife can do to make things better, even by only 1%. When he is in a slightly better mood, you could talk to him- listen in at 12:51 to hear how to outsmart the grouchiness.

Rachel: How do I softly encourage my husband to seek couples counseling with me? Whenever I’ve brought it up he gets so upset and defensive of his behavior.

Leah: It is almost always hard to get a husband into therapy. The only thing I’ve found that works is if you go yourself to therapy and have your therapist help you come up with ways to get him there. Tune in at 17:30 to hear how to bypass his defenses and convince him to join you.

Bracha: I have a very intense job on top of taking care of the house and the children. I am so exhausted when my husband comes home and find myself getting annoyed at him that he needs me to talk to him and listen to him! What do I need to do to change my outlook? I don’t see myself being able to take something off my schedule/shoulders.

Leah: Your understanding that your number one job (more than anything else) is listening to and being there for your husband, is key. By doing this, you will see so much bracha in other areas of your life. This is guaranteed from the Torah. The example at timecode 21:37 will help you make a shift in your outlook!

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you’re busy with other things, stop and completely focus on your husband.