Trust is so crucial to a healthy relationship, but it ain’t always easy to give…or to earn! So how do you repair your relationship when your trust has been damaged?

Leah addresses this and other critical issues in this Secret Wives Club Q&A episode that will have you trusting in The Ladies Talk Show to deliver!

Viewer Questions:

Charlene: How do I get my husband to trust me enough to open up? He’s convinced that I don’t respect him because of my own past mistakes and his own sensitivity. He insists on not telling me things. What can I do?

Leah: H-E-A-L-I-N-G. This involves a combination of apology, reinforcement, compliments and kindness. Tune in at timecode 2:08 to hear Leah’s example!

Susan: The other night I caught my husband lying about where he went. It wasn’t somewhere bad, and I don’t understand why he lied. Now I feel like I can’t trust him.

Leah: That is the operative question to ask him:

“I’m trying to understand why you felt you had to lie about this. Did I possibly do something to you to make you feel unsafe being truthful about this?”

You may get some unpleasant but helpful info. He also may not know, in which case, cut him some slack if it’s not an ongoing thing.

Dana: My husband wants me to lose weight. It bothers him a lot because I was very thin when we got married and he’s also thin. For several years now he’s been commenting to me about this. I want him to accept me as I am. I would be happy to hear the Torah’s opinion on this.

Leah: Ask a Rav for a Rabbinic Torah viewpoint if you’d like to. Weight is such an unpleasant topic. There is always something a wife can do, no matter how small. If a husband is pecking at you (which he shouldn’t do and it definitely makes us eat more), is it possible that you are pecking at him about something and this is his way of (consciously or not) getting back at you?

Neither of you should ever be each other’s police. Have a conversation,

“I feel really badly about this and self-conscious and unattractive and I only want to feel closeness to you. I really need to not have this be an issue I hear about from you. If you want me to join a program or a gym, I’m open to that, but I need to not hear these kinds of comments for you.”

Show your husband love and appreciation so that he doesn’t notice the physical as much. Know that G-d loves you as you are and just do what you can.

Rebecca: Why wasn’t men watching inappropriate things discussed as a boundary issue?

Leah: It’s the kind of thing that can’t come from the wife. It’s not her job to monitor him. If this comes up repeatedly and really bothers her, she can have a conversation about it, realizing that she is opening herself up to him approaching her about these kinds of things. It also obviously has to be done in a way he can hear it. Use compliments and emphasize that you realize it’s really his spiritual growth which is his domain and put it in his lap how he wants to handle how it bothers you. If you know a conversation won’t be effective, don’t even go there. Try to use your imagination to distract him with kosher alternatives.

Jill: I tried really hard to establish a good relationship with my mother-in-law. The feeling, however, is not mutual, and I’m met with very passive aggressive behavior. I accepted that she would never like me, but remained respectful. Now I’m expecting and she is obsessing over the baby. But her relationship with me has not changed. Because she lost a child, my husband doesn’t want to set boundaries because he doesn’t want to hurt her. Is it wrong for me to limit access to my children until she can learn to respect and appreciate me as a human? I would never want to keep my children from her, but I don’t know how else to proceed.

Leah: Have a conversation with your mother-in-law in a soft way: “I love you and I’m very happy in my marriage. At the same time, I sometimes feel like you disapprove of me. I was wondering if there’s anything I can do about that.” Then use your duct tape to keep quiet while she speaks. If you and your husband have already made a few heartfelt attempts to connect and have a respectful conversation about this, it’s a question for a Rabbi about if it’s appropriate to limit contact with her.

Try This at Home:

One time this week, have a conversation with someone to bring them closer to you (husband, child, mother-in-law, sibling). Do preparation so it’s heartfelt but planned out for ultimate success.