I don’t want to smile, I don’t want to talk and I DO NOT want to make dinner- I’m going on strike!

Join Leah as she continues with Marriage Secrets pages 250-253 and learn the benefits of still smiling or talking to your husband, even if you don’t feel like it, and still making him dinner, even if you don’t feel like it. Ladies, even if you feel like going on strike, listen in and score a strike instead!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• How do we gain mastery over our facial expressions? By doing a benefit/cost analysis. The benefits might be portraying a point quickly and with minimal effort, but the cost is our closeness.
• Disdainful looks cut straight through to the heart. It might be a habit, but it is possible to overcome.
• Working on this habit could be the difference between a house full of tension or one full of joy.
• Silent treatment is poison, remaining silent is meritorious. Silent treatment erodes trust whilst remaining silent increases it.

Viewer’s Questions:

Leora: I understand how anger in the moment is destructive, but my husband tells me that he wants me to be real with him. He feels that when I hold back, I’m not being authentic, and he wants me to express myself freely. How should I handle this?

Leah: You’ll need to sell him on this idea and show how you’re holding back and not being your authentic you in order to take care of him better. Self-mastery is fundamental when connecting with others.

Lana: I’ve been trying to bring humour into the angry moments, and I’ll pull a silly face instead of rolling my eyes. My husband finds this really immature. I tried explaining that it’s my way of working on it, but he responded that he’d rather stay married to an angry adult and not a child. Should I stop this altogether or try to explain it to him again?

Leah: Perhaps this is a matter of handing the problem to him. Timecode 11:04 will show you how to get him on board to steer you in the right direction and navigate what would work for him.

Anna: You say to smile even if you don’t feel it. My husband finds this very fake and sarcastic. He says it’s not normal to go from a low to a high so fast, and he thinks I’m not emotionally stable. He says that there is value to feeling down or angry and slowly working yourself up. Which one is it?

Leah: It’s ok to be in experimental mode when working on how to be a better person. Timecode 14:10 will show you how to communicate that you’d like his support instead of his judgement in a way that will soften his heart.

Anaelle: After an argument, I always want space to rethink the argument and give myself time to warm up again. Is this the silent treatment? Space always makes me feel better.

Leah: Silent treatment is against their will or without any communication. If you’re saying you need time to process and you ask him to allow you the space, then this is fantastic.

Esther: What if I want my husband to see how upset I am if he legitimately does something hurtful or upsetting?

Leah: Show him how upset you are without inflating the problem and attacking him. You’re walking him through what your needs are by expressing when you’re hurt, but make sure not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Verbalize rather than dramatize and emotionalise.

Rivki: I’m embarrassed to say this but when I give the silent treatment, it’s the only time my husband comes after me. It’s hard for me to drop this habit when it actually makes me feel closer and loved to see him chasing me.

Leah: The best way to get on the other side of this habit is to tell him about this. There is a trust that is breached. Any temporary gain of being chased points to a dysfunctional trust issue. If the foundation of trust was there, there would be other times he would chase you from a healthier place. A fight is very different to conflict. Conflict has trust and togetherness when finding the resolution. Listen in at timecode 21:26 to show you how to drop this dysfunctional pattern and switch from fight to conflict.

Ruchama: How can I be all warm and fuzzy with my husband after feeling hurt in an argument? Doesn’t it make sense to have some silence and space afterwards?

Leah: Every couple is different; the most crucial aspect is sticking to routines. Even after an argument full of drama, it is crucial to still make him dinner etc. The strength of the home is built on the order and routines still working like clockwork. There’s no such thing as going on strike even after conflict. Continuing with routine also helps to create emotional balance within ourselves. If you do need space, verbalize it.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when you are feeling overwhelmed or resentful, do one act for your husband to keep your routine.