Why would our husbands come before our kids? Kids need so much- our husband is a grown man!

In this episode, Leah continues Chapter 3 of Marriage Secrets with pages 55 – 58, and reveals how our priorities shape our homes and have the power to build our husbands into the man we need!

Tune in for the first 7 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:43!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• “Raising good children is 50 percenttefillah (prayer) and 50 percent shalom bayis (peace in the home).” (Rabbi Avraham Yaakov Pam, quoting the Steipler Gaon)
• “If a home is a place of peace and happiness, the products- the children- will be happy as well. Shalom bayis(peace in the home) is the foundation of chinuch habanim (educating children) and should be given the utmost importance in one’s life.” (Rav Simcha Wasserman)

Miriam: How can I uplift my home spiritually? I’ve always learned that the woman is in charge of religious growth in a home…how I can I encourage growth for both of us if I’m not supposed to be controlling?

Leah: Here is a bulletproof truism: there is nothing you can say to your husband about improving his spirituality that will be successful. It’s not your place. What you can do is: any small piece of Torah he gives over to you, listen with your full presence and praise it like crazy. When you become a receiver, you will open the flow of blessing into your home and encourage him to learn and do more.

Shelly: I have so much pressure on me with my work and kids. I try to give my husband all the attention he wants and make him my priority but I feel like I’m being pulled in so many directions that I’m losing myself.

Leah: When you put your husband first, things will get better. You also need to figure out logistical ways of organizing your life. Maybe you need to stop participating in meal trains or not worry about if the kids have matching outfits. Journal everything you are doing and cross off as much as you can. Prioritize what really needs to happen. And at the very top of every list is: your husband.

Malka: What do we do in a situation with a child with special needs? They require a tremendous amount of therapy and my husband is sometimes jealous of all the attention I give my child. But otherwise, who would? How do marriages survive these challenges?

Leah: May you always be blessed with strength. Some people find it a comfort to know that the soul of every child chooses his/her parents before entering this world. But it is still so, so hard, so priorities are even more important. Get as much help as you can. Your household will never suffer from you putting shalom bayis with your husband first.

Rachel: I have a lot of anxiety that developed after I got married, especially about our finances and the well-being of our children. How do I maintain more Emunah (belief) and Menuchas HaNefesh (peace of mind) on my own? Discussing these anxieties with my husband doesn’t help- he often gets frustrated because he thinks I doubt him or that I’m being illogical.

Leah: The less a woman is on her husband’s case about these things, the better things will be. G-d never gives us a challenge that we aren’t equipped to deal with. There are a lot of books and articles and shiurim (lectures) about Emunah in these issues. Also, check out this episode: How to Make Your Husband Rich!

Your husband’s neshama (soul) is put in your hands under the chuppah (marriage canopy) for you to take care of. No matter what is going on in your life, you have that power to bring the ultimate closeness and connection into your marriage. We’ll continue to learn step by step how to do it.

Try This at Home:

At least one time this week, make a conscious choice before doing something: Will doing this push my husband away or bring him closer?