I’ve got my baby, but where is my husband?!

Listen in to this powerful Deep Dive as Leah answers sensitive questions about how shalom bayis is affected when tensions, hormones and overwhelm is high during the postpartum stage. Join us and learn how getting closer to our babies doesn’t have to mean drifting further from our husband.

Viewer Questions:

Chava-Rivka: This period is so hard and I’m so overwhelmed with the new baby, my husband doesn’t understand what it’s like. I feel so lonely and unsupported.

Leah: Before the baby, were you like passing ships or did you have a deep connection? For those who are before this stage, this highlights the importance of mastering communication before the baby comes. Often, feelings of isolation are a result of poor communication. This can be improved at any stage. Feeling isolated can be solved by communicating and being as thoughtful as you can towards your husband. This will improve the connection between the two of you. You can deal with almost anything when you’re doing it together. Also, this is just a stage, it’s not forever.

Rosie: My husband and I are constantly bickering and tensions are high. I know that I’m hormonal and I’ll admit, irritable, but I feel my husband has become extremely sensitive. Anything I say is deemed an attack. 

Leah: It’s hard to answer without knowing how things were before. But everything shifts when a new baby arrives. The key is to remember that even though we might feel like a victim, this is a challenge given by G-d himself. Will we choose to be a victim or find something we can do? In the midst of trying to survive the day, is there a way to pour something into our husband too? The mindset of taking care of the baby because a husband can take care of himself is a misconception, every man needs to feel that he is the number one in our life. If he knows that, he can put up with a lot. But our job is to find a way to show him he is our priority. However busy we are, we can find a small way to make him feel this.

Orit: I’m finding this period right after the birth very challenging, not only am I busy with the baby, but it’s hard being in niddah. I feel there is a distance from my husband and I want to know how I can fix it. How can I connect to my husband during this time?

Leah: One thing is certain. G-d himself created the separation. He knows better than we do what’s good for us. There is something glorious and profoundly productive for our soul and body, even if it’s hard to feel. The hard part of getting through this time could be to yearn for our spouse on a new level. This helps to build tight bonds. Try to rely on this knowledge that it’s designed perfectly, and it may help you get through.  This is also a time where communication bumps up and connection comes that way.

Try This At Home:

Think about what you can do to become closer to your husband.