Make me, don’t break me!
Tune in for another Deep Dive as Leah addresses what to do about husbands who may offend, speak badly or who won’t apologize. It’s time to learn how to turn those hurtful comments into helpful comments.
Viewer’s Questions:
Gitty: My husband comes home from work very hyperactive some days and says things he thinks are funny but can be quite hurtful to me. I have tried all the communication tricks to discuss it with him, but he just thinks it’s funny. Any ideas?
Leah: It’s hard to answer because I don’t know how you’re treating him. Is it possible you cut him down and might chip away at his self-esteem sometimes? Often these things are mutual. I’m not blaming you, but you do need to look at all the angles. This needs well-planned communication by looking back at past successful communication. If you’ve spoken to him and he still thinks it’s funny then find ways to protect yourself, e.g when you hear him coming home, go to your room for a bit until he cools off. Is it possible that he was knocked by his boss all day long which is why he knocks you and maybe he needs support?
Toby: Sometimes it’s hard to get past being offended by my husband and forgive him easily because I am conflicted. If I forgive him easily, he won’t know the impact it had on me, but I also understand that I don’t want to create distance between us. I could use some advice!
Leah: There’s a difference between being forgiving and communication. If you’re working on being a forgiving person which is a great secret to success and joy in life, it’s fine to forgive even if you don’t feel like it. Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. Timecode 05:36 will show you how to follow up the forgiveness with a genuine heart-to-heart conversation without blame. Communicate from a place of forgiveness.
Tasha: This is my second marriage, and my husband is always speaking badly about his ex-wife in front of his kids. I think it’s so damaging, but he doesn’t agree and won’t stop. How can I convince him?
Leah: This is not only ruining their relationship with their mother but also with him. Communicate to him that every time he says a bad word he is robbing his children of a mother, which is against the Torah and also psychologically harmful. He is also robbing them of their father because they won’t feel close to him. His bad words will deeply and negatively affect their relationship. There is place for soft rebuke if said kindly and at a good time. Timecode 10:34 will show you how to do it.
Ilana: I’m much more academic than my husband. It didn’t used to bother me but recently it has been bothering me so much and I find I’m losing respect for him. I know this is harmful, but I don’t know how to change my mindset.
Leah: If being academically smart is the most important thing then I understand why you might look down on him. But we’re obligated to have an ayin tova (good eye) and see where our husband’s strengths lie. There is so much more to a good husband than an academic level. This is your issue that you need to analyse. Respect is granted, never earned, meaning that he deserves respect. A husband is only as great as his wife thinks he is. Your only job is to respect him no matter what. Find where his strengths are and any time you think he isn’t academic; think about a few other qualities he does have as it’s your job to focus on this. You’re not a victim, you have the choice of what to focus on.
Leona: I’m a words-of-affirmation type of gal and after a squabble with my husband, I do need to hear an apology (the more detailed the better) however his way of an apology is to help out more or be more friendly. It just doesn’t hit the spot for me! I explained this to him, and he said he’ll try to work on it, but it’s been a while, and I don’t know if it needs a reminder or what to do.
Leah: For sure he needs a reminder. All men would. We have our specific needs and men aren’t geared to understanding these. Tune in at timecode 19:05 for some fantastic ideas on how to get your needs met!
Try This At Home:
One time this week, get yourself appreciated in one way or another.
