How to talk so my husband will listen!? Hello- the way I talk is NOT the issue…he just doesn’t listen! Period!

Join Leah as she shares some secrets to closeness with your husband…would you believe it’s as simple as just listening to him more? Having covered H.O.T (How you say it, Outcome desired, Timing) it’s time to dive deeper, so listen in and learn how to truly listen.

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• We are created with two ears and one mouth…hint hint…more listening, less talking.
• Our mesorah(tradition) teaches that a woman who listens to her husband will merit having children who are Torah scholars. Aside from this, we become so much closer to our husband.
• We are in a generation where emojis take the place of listening, time to ratchet it up.
• All blessing which comes to us from G-d comes through our husbands. We attain this blessing through receiving from him. Whatever he says, receive through listening.
• Tune in at 14:36 to hear a story about how listening (even to a super-duper boring husband) will bring closeness!
• Here are some practical and effective listening tips to achieve closeness:
  • Virtual duct tape- resist the urge to interrupt or correct him (Yes, you also do this, and you’ll be shocked at how much you blab and don’t allow your husband to finish his sentences!)
  • Ask him a question- you may need to prepare a list of questions to initiate his talking. Be mindful if you’re talking too much and if so, ask another question.
  • Give confirmation to show you’ve heard by repeating back to clarify and then give validation.
  • Be the listening police- if a child tries to interrupt say: “Daddy is talking, first let him finish.” This may frustrate them, but it also builds their respect for him and his own self-respect.
  • If you have to stop him mid-talk, ask him to remember what he was saying.
  • Any time he is giving over a dvar Torah(Torah teaching) sit and listen attentively. Do not get up or talk to anyone else, at all, ever!
  • Don’t half listen whilst thinking about what you want to say as that’s putting yourself before him, rather focus completely on him.
  • If he must do something mid-talking, make every effort to remember where he was up to.
  • Put yourself in his shoes and give him the benefit of the doubt.
  • When he’s finished, ask “is there anything else you’d like to say?”
  • Eye contact and open body language.
  • Heavy conversations are better had on a walk so its less confrontational with forced eye contact.
  • Be a journalist- encourage your husband to share. Dig into what he says to really understand.
  • Plan ahead- structure your daily life to incorporate time to listen to him.
  • Turn your phone off.
  • Don’t be in a rush, there is nothing more important than listening to your husband share with you.
• Don’t expect bolts of wisdom, just listen in an unjudgmental way, and show him you’re a sponge who wants to absorb what he says.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, make a time to listen to your husband and use virtual duct tape.