My hormones are like a rollercoaster- get me off this ride!
Join Leah for another exciting Deep Dive session about wives who get moody or husbands who are too harsh. Friends, it’s time to learn how to embrace the ups and downs and enjoy the ride.
Viewer Questions:
Yocheved: I’ve been listening to your show and working on things and I do feel like I’m doing well. Then I have the ‘time of the month’ and I feel like I can’t cope and I’m moody and snappy. It’s like 1 step forward, 3 steps backward. It really demotivates me.
Leah: Let’s reinterpret this to 3 steps forward and 1 step backward because if you’re working on shalom bayis then Hashem is helping you. Us women are constantly up and down, that’s just the way we are. If we accept this is how we are and embrace our femininity, it takes the sting out of it. If we can make light of it, it’s easier on our husbands, but we need to accept ourselves. Try to find what helps you out of the mood, whether it’s music, walks or calling a friend. We have an obligation to find a strategy for our moodiness, but without beating ourselves up.
Tzipora: I know its most important to be on the same page as my husband in terms of chinuch (raising children), but sometimes my husband is very critical with our kids on the Shabbos table and it’s very hard for me not to swoop in and use a softer approach especially when I don’t agree with the way he is dealing with it – I often do not feel on the same page. When we speak privately about it, he says he understands but the kid’s escalation really triggers him. I don’t know how to go about this.
Leah: One sentence- stay out of it. You made your feelings known, now keep out, your husband needs to have his own relationship with his children. You need to realize this is how it is meant to be, even if it seems harsh. Listen in at timecode 06:37 to hear how not to do it!
Ellie: I don’t understand the balance between respecting my husband and not allowing him to do domestic work and me getting the practical help I need from him. Outside help is not an option. Is it so terrible if he does the hoovering or bathtimes etc. Does that mean I’m not a good wife?
Leah: Respecting him doesn’t equate with him not doing chores; there is so much more, such as greeting him at the door, not interrupting or correcting him etc. Every married couple needs a division of labor, whether it’s with outside help or between the two of them. If he works full time and she doesn’t then the bulk of it is on her. If they’re both working, this changes accordingly. It’s certainly fine for him to vacuum as long as you’re asking in the right way and not barking orders. Anything he does is a favor and worthy of gratitude.
Tova: After going to a tech awareness shiur, I put filters on my phone as well as the family computer. I asked my husband to put a filter on his phone too (in our community it’s bad enough that he has an iphone) but he says he needs it for work. It makes me uncomfortable that he has no filters- what else can I do?
Leah: That’s a question for a Rov. See if you can get him to watch a recording of it, it’s better if it comes from someone else. Timecode 25:04 will show you how to communicate this with him in a filtered way.
Try This At Home:
Ask your husband to do a chore in a way that sounds like he is doing you a favor.
