Why does he need to be so harsh? They’re only kids!

Join Leah as she concludes Chapter 8 of Marriage Secrets with pages 196-199 and discusses constructive communication to help us handle the harshness without losing the harmony!

Leah’s Points To Ponder:

• Routine discussion times increase closeness and ensure that problems don’t escalate.
• Regular scheduled time is a gamechanger because it makes the other time together more enjoyable and relaxed without fear of any bombshells being dropped.
• Prioritize the most important topics to discuss to avoid overload.
• Keep the focus that this time is to achieve mutual goals in a safe, respectful environment to make sure he’ll come again!
• Plan well and speak sweetly.
• Listen in at 04:46 for tips on how to coordinate these discussion times to suit any lifestyle and budget (or lack of)!
• Remember H.O.T (How it’s said, Outcome desired and Timing) for closeness to grow.

Viewer Questions:

Aliza: My husband recently expressed to me that he feels his love tank is running on empty. The truth is my nature is kind but not the most loving. I am not lovey-dovey at all. Is there a way I can change this about myself?

Leah: This needs clarification from your husband. What does he mean? What is he looking for? What is missing? What has worked in the past? Write down what he says so he sees how much you care about getting it right. This in itself will make him feel loved, give you direction and he might even start asking what makes you feel more loved!

Chana: I’ve been working so hard to be aware of how I speak that my husband called me out recently that I sound like I’m trying too hard and it’s having the opposite effect on him! I was so embarrassed. What should I do?

Leah: Try to sell him on the idea that you’re trying to be a better wife, and this is you working on yourself. It’s not phony, it’s rising up to be better. If he still doesn’t like it, put the problem in his lap– listen in at timecode 10:15 to hear how!

Dina: I would love to figure out how to help keep my husband more calm when it comes to disciplining our children. He is easily triggered and raises his voice. Would it be okay to give him a quick little reminder to remain calm before he reacts to our kid’s behavior?

Leah: This is treacherous territory. How a woman parents a child versus how a man does is like chalk and cheese. G-d gave us a man’s way and a woman’s way in one household for a reason. Generally, the man is harsher, but that doesn’t mean that’s wrong. A woman should NEVER contradict her husband’s disciplinary technique in the moment in front of the kids. This makes the kids lose respect for him and when as teenagers they need that harshness, the husband is too discredited to be effective. You need to be a united front with him. If it’s ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY, there is a way to talk about it after the fact in private but choose those issues carefully.

Sherry: My husband started to hang out with a group of men who vape and he started vaping too. I’m really not happy about it. I get that it’s his life, but it definitely affects his mood and my life! I spoke to him about it several times – but he won’t stop!

Leah: That’s very hard. I think in this situation, you need to talk to your Rav. In general, his habits are not your business, but peer pressure for negative things can lead to being influenced in other negative ways, so it needs looking into with a Rav.

Talya: I have a bad habit of comparing my husband to others and I hate that I do this, but it almost feels uncontrollable to me. We’re constantly around lots of family and friends and I’m always noticing how amazing everyone’s husbands are. Any tips for me? I know this is toxic for my marriage and not fair to my husband.

Leah: We see such a small slice of people’s lives, and even that can be an illusion which distances us from our husband. Listen in at timecode 21:55 to hear exactly what you need to hear! Those men who are amazing in public come with their disappointments in private.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, when the jealous lion (which we all have!) comes in your face, recognize that you’re seeing a superficial view and build up for yourself how good you have it and that what you have is what you need.