Opposites attract- that’s certainly true- but who ever said this combination works?

This Deep Dive episode is a must listen as Leah delves into so many questions from our listeners all echoing the message of my man is just so different from me! Can you relate? We think so! Tune in to hear how this can be a blessing and not a struggle.

Viewer Questions:

Batya: I have been working so hard on being a receiver and thanking my husband more. But he just dismisses my appreciation and it kind of hurts. What am I doing wrong?

Leah: Your appreciation towards him is bringing in brocha (blessing) regardless of your husband’s reaction. This is very common, and I understand it is hurtful but you need to sell him on the idea. Timecode 1:38 will teach you how to be a successful saleslady! This is a case of putting the problem (of you wanting to appreciate nad him rebuffing your effort) in his lap and he will help you solve this.

Shaindy: My husband is a night owl and I’m collapsing by the evening. It doesn’t work for me to take a nap because I have trouble falling asleep at the best of times. I want to give him what he needs but I end up feeling like a failure.

Leah: Bring it up with him, telling him how much you want to spend time with him but find it hard at night, and see what suggestions he has. This is not insurmountable; there must be a creative logistic change that can be made.

Tzuriya: we are making a family simcha (celebration) and I would like to hire an event planner to help me with my vision and make my life easier. My husband is low maintenance and thinks it’s way too extravagant. I know it’s not a financial issue, rather more of a hashkafic (philosophical) issue i.e. are we raising the bar for the community? Is the help and ease worth it? We can’t seem to find an even ground.

Leah: A middle ground would be great, e.g. hiring an assistant or babysitter to help with errands rather than an events planner. He does have a point about raising the bar but if your life is so busy that it will make you unpleasant to be around then you need the help for your mental health.

Sarit: My husband insists that I get a job, but I simply can’t handle it. We have had a lot of calm communication about it, but he won’t let it go and I simply can’t do it. I’m dealing with too many other things with the kids.

Leah: I wonder how those conversations went; I know you said calm but was the content controlling? Tell him you want to follow his will, but you simply don’t see how you’ll manage. Come to him with vulnerability. If you have done, then try to understand why. Does he feel you need the money or is it for your mental health? Maybe there is a compromise, and you can work a little bit from home? Try to understand his reasons but also try to draw on his rachmanus (mercy).

Miri: My husband has a block with one of our kids and treats him differently to our other kids. He is snappier and sharper and gets easily disappointed in him. He admits to it but won’t go to therapy for it. I feel so bad for my son.

Leah: He admits to it, so he has an understanding, now we need to know why. Is your son very similar to him so he has higher expectations from him? It’s hard to answer this without more information but a conversation together to brainstorm solutions is in need and then let it go. Your son will better cope with less closeness with his father than a lack of closeness between both his parents. It’s more important to keep closeness and support your husband than it is for him to be an amazing father to your children. Most of child rearing is shalom bayis. Once you’ve tried communicating as the navigator, step back and leave it to the captain.

Tehilla: My husband is on a mission for me to make new friends. I have my few close friends and I am happy like that, but my husband believes that if I have more friends I’ll be happier. Is it ok to refuse his advice to go to social gatherings when I really just don’t derive joy from them!

Leah: This needs a conversation to see what his drive is. But whatever our husbands say we need to take seriously, even if we don’t agree. We think our way is right but our husband’s insights are valuable. You will never lose out from being mevater (giving in). But first, try to communicate to understand his reasons.

Yaeli: My husband likes to wear certain things which people in our community don’t wear. I try to follow what you say that it’s not my business but then he complains to me about not fitting in. Is it really none of my business if it’s affecting our family?

Leah: Well done for realizing it’s none of your business. When he complains about not fitting in, that’s the conversation starter. Timecode 22:50 will help you with this conversation so he comes to it himself whilst you sit with your imaginary duct tape on. It’s for him to come to the solution himself and for you to be there for him, supporting and hearing him.

Try This At Home:

One time this week, do something that might be uncomfortable for you but will make your husband happy.