Who wants to supercharge their happiness? Don’t worry, we know you do. And it’s easier than you think!

In this episode, Leah continues with Chapter 7 of Marriage Secrets with pages 155-157 and she guides us how to boost our own happiness!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• To unlock inner contentment, let’s embrace our craving for our husband’s appreciation.
• To satisfy our thirst for appreciation, we must first recognize and communicate our need for it.
• Our husbands are made to want to fill our bottomless pit for appreciation, we just need to guide them how.

Viewer Questions:

Rivka: I feel like my husband does way more than me and deserves way more appreciation than me. We’ve been struggling with shalom bayis (peace in the home) recently. Is it because I’m not hearing my husband’s appreciation of me (even though I’m not doing much to be appreciated for)? I’m so bogged down and exhausted because of work, and my husband’s capacity to give is endless.

Leah: You have an unusual situation. Look at the dynamic. We know from Rav Moshe Cordevero that the husband is the conduit of all blessing to his wife. If you’re not receiving what he’s giving, start working on receiving with grace rather than on getting appreciation. Receiving means showing appreciation to him for every little thing.

Tamar: What if I get enough appreciation but I still feel like I do too much? Do most women feel this way?

Leah: A woman almost always feels like she does more. Listen in at time code 11:04 if you want to feel completely and utterly validated! But getting appreciation will energize you to do what you do with satisfaction instead of feeling like a shmatta (rag). It’s like gas in your car.  The vast majority of men are deficient in this area- but we have a lot of tools to help- stay tuned.

Rachie: If we can never have enough appreciation, why should we try to seek it out in the first place? It feels like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

Leah: It is a bucket with a hole, you’re right. But a half full bucket is better than an empty one. Tune in at 15:04 for an example which will make you giggle as you have an “ah-ha” moment!

Devorah: My husband is so sweet and very appreciative of everything I do B’H, so in turn it makes me feel very guilty to ever ask him for extra help. Is it possible that one can have too much appreciation? Or is it my problem that I feel this guilt?

Leah: It’s a good question with two issues: 1) you need a clear division of the labor in the home. This will look different for every couple and it should be discussed and decided at a calm, quiet time. 2) A totally separate issue is getting appreciated. Your husband doing things for you and the home is not the same as him appreciating you and it won’t fill that need.

Miri: I don’t feel like I need so much appreciation. I don’t need him to appreciate what I do; I need him to notice when I need help! Am I missing something?

Leah: Yes, these are two different things. Needing help is totally different from the appreciation issue. So many women think they don’t need appreciation- but once they start soliciting it and getting it they will see what a gamechanger it is. Listen in at 20:08 if you’re the type who thinks you don’t need appreciation…!

Rikki: My husband appreciates me, but I feel like he also takes me for granted/takes advantage of me. For example, he’ll say how much he appreciates that I let him take a nap on Shabbos afternoons, but he continuously takes these naps and never asks me about it beforehand and he never offers for me to take a nap and it annoys me so much! I’m up every night nursing our newborn!

Leah: I have a feeling that the conversation with him might need to happen in a different way. Tune in at 23:47 to hear how the conversation should flow to enable your contentment to flow. The key is to communicate sweetly and take the problem and put it in your husband’s lap.

Try This at Home:

One time this week, notice when your appreciation bucket is empty. Are you moody? This may be why!