Do you ever feel like you just can’t snap out of a bad mood? Do you feel like you’re just not yourself and you don’t know why or what to do about it? We all struggle with this from time to time.

In this episode, Leah takes questions and gives practical advice on how to lose your blues.

Disclaimer: There is a difference between 1) feeling down because of a bad day or hard week, and 2) actual PTSD or clinical depression or long-term crises (illness, etc.) .

This show is for #1, for #2, seek professional help.

Q: One day I’m up, the next day I’m down again. What can be done to get off this emotional seesaw and overcome feelings of negativity?

A: There are so many things, both externally and internally, that affect our mood. Your kid is banging a pot, your car broke down, someone said something hurtful, you’re worried about money, you burnt dinner, the weather has been terrible … there are endless factors that can throw us off.
Can you pinpoint what’s causing your slump?

 Actions you can take:

1. Gratitude
   1. It’s not happy people who are grateful. It’s grateful people who are happy.
   2. Have a gratitude journal that you jot in daily or weekly if that works for you.
   3. When you are lying in bed before you go to sleep, think what am I thankful for today?

2. Related to gratitude: Spend time with those less fortunate than yourself to give yourself perspective and take you out of yourself

3. Know yourself — what shifts your mood? Music? Exercise? Sunshine? A hobby? Talking to G-d? An act of kindness? These actions may not lift us out of our dumps completely, but even a gradual or partial lift can be helpful.
4. Activity and analysis — is what I’m doing restorative or depleting? Journal a list of restorative activities, so that after you do some depleting but necessary things, you can counteract it with something restorative and avoid unnecessary depleting activities.

Sometimes we want to wallow in our negative feelings.

Sound familiar? Give yourself a time limit:

I am going to do nothing but focus on feeling badly about what’s bothering me for the next 20 minutes and then I’m going to move on to something else.

Q: How do I communicate feeling down or stuck to my husband without burdening him?

A: The key is not avoidance, but connection. Explain to your spouse:

“Honey, I’m in a really bad mood today and I’m trying to snap out of it. In the meantime, please don’t take it personally- I definitely don’t want to hurt you. At the same time, it would be helpful to me if I could tell you what’s bothering me. Would that feel like a burden to you?”

Q: What if my husband is the one who’s down? How can I help him?

A: At a time when he’s in a good mood, ask him how he prefers you respond if he’s in a bad mood, because you want to be able to be there for him no matter what. What does HE find helpful and supportive? Does he prefer you give him space? Ask him what’s up? Give him extra TLC? If he’s not sure, talk about what things work for you to see what he thinks might work for him.

Q: In the past, women were expected to find fulfillment in home and family life, but now work life is a factor as well- what’s your take on seeking success and fulfillment in a work environment without sacrificing homelife?

A: We had a show recently on work-life balance that may help (see link at the bottom under additional links).

It may also help to really ask yourself: What do you want to accomplish? What are your needs? Is your lifestyle aligned with those goals and needs?

Q: At dinnertime, my husband takes very large portions without being considerate of the other people at the table.

A: We have many sources that say a woman’s purpose as a wife is to meet her husband’s needs and draw anything away from him that he doesn’t like. It is her job to give him the food he needs- it’s not her business to tell him which middos he needs to develop.

Gamechanger: He keeps eating all the vegetables, so make a ton! If there’s leftovers, say, “I wanted to be sure that you got everything you wanted. That’s the most important thing to me.”

Your consideration may inspire him to be more considerate, but that’s irrelevant. You do what YOU need to do. When your kids see how important your husband is to you, it will teach them to be considerate as well. It’s more important that they see that than that they get vegetables. Remove from your heart the feeling of how he SHOULD be and focus on meeting his needs.

Q: Things are finally starting to get back to normal post-COVID. How do we process the loss of the past year and move forward?

A: G-d gave us this past year! Was it hard? YES- so much difficulty and challenge and pain. We don’t know why it had to happen, but how we interpret it can alter our future.

Reframe: Look how we made it through such difficulties one way or another, thank G-d! Can we find little pieces of good from the past year? More quality family time, no work commute, etc …

Everything happens for a reason. What can we learn from it moving forward? What strength did we find in ourselves in coming through it? It is all in our interpretation of what’s happening around us. That is what is in our control!

We want to hear from you! What helps you get up what you’re down? What advice from this show most resonated with you? Contact us!

Additional Links:

Expert Panel – Balancing Act: Marriage, Family, & Community

Rebbetzin Yaffa Palti – Unlocking Your Resilience!

Rebbetzin Yaffa Palti – Unlocking Your Resilience – Part 2!