Ever feel like your husband is just totally clueless? How can we get our need to be cherished met if he hasn’t got a clue?

In this episode, Leah concludes (or should I say conCLUEds?) Chapter 2 of Marriage Secrets, pgs. 46-47, and gives us all the clues we need!

Tune in for the first 3 minutes or so to hear the scoop in her own words, beginning at timecode 0:15!

Leah’s Points to Ponder:

• Try to keep what you learn here to yourself- there’s no need for your husband to know!
• Acknowledging the spiritual truth that being cherished is our deepest longing is the first step to receiving all the love you need.

Chumi: Do men know how to cherish us?

Leah: They have absolutely no clue and it’s not their fault. You need to take responsibility for getting yourself cherished. Tune it at 4:59 for a true story illustrating this point!

Ruti: I realized I resist affection from my husband. It’s true I need to cherish myself first before I can accept his attention.

Leah: You need to know yourself, not necessarily cherish yourself. Know what your needs are.

Rivka: I noticed that when you speak about being cherished and respecting your husband, your tone becomes softer. Thank you for highlighting this as I need to work on my tone.

Leah: I’m not a quiet, retiring person, but when you are trying to connect with your spouse, speaking softly makes such a difference.

Melinda: I’ve been married before, and I just want to do it right the second time around. What’s a practical tip to work on now, in the meantime?

Leah: Read Marriage Secrets daily!

Shoshana: I want to start my marriage fresh but I’m having such a hard time letting go of wishing my husband was different, and just focusing on my behavior.

Leah: Remember to use an ayin tov (a favorable eye) when looking at him. A good tool is to start a daily journal where you write something you appreciate about your husband. Remember that your husband will grow in the direction you see him in.

Nechama: Thankfully my husband and I have a good marriage but I feel like we lack deep meaningful conversations that bring closeness- should we be doing this on a weekly basis at least?

Leah: You have to know what works for you – there’s no fixed rule. Make sure you’re not comparing your marriage to that of others. If you truly feel a lack in your marriage coming from inside of yourself, you can definitely try to work on communication. Later in the book we will discuss a whole slew of communication tools.

Miriam: You talked about being vulnerable in communicating with your husband- but there’s been so much past hurt that I don’t trust my husband and his reactions enough to make myself vulnerable to him.

Leah: This is actually exactly what he needs to hear from you. Don’t say you don’t trust him, but you can say you are having trust issues and it’s difficult for you to be vulnerable and you want to be closer to him, but because of xyz you’re having such a hard time. It may need a third party, but it needs to be dealt with.

Allie: What if your husband says you’re being way too sensitive?

Leah: Say, “That’s so insightful- it’s actually part of being me and a woman. Maybe we can both work on it.”

Aliza: I do everything for my husband, and with joy, big stuff and little stuff. Is it too much? Am I being like a maid to him? I’m not resentful, I just want to know if it’s a healthy or unhealthy dynamic?

Leah: It’s only unhealthy if someone is miserable. If you don’t feel appreciated, we will talk in future chapters about how to make it even better!

Try This at Home:

One time this week or even once a day, if possible, don’t contradict or correct your husband’s words or actions.