Scenario #1: You’re 30 minutes late leaving for a wedding because you were busy getting ready. Your husband is driving and speeds because he’s angry at you & you’re scared for your life. What would you do?

Taylor would scream at her husband until he listened.

Rachael would scream and cry and even, live stream her husband to show friends.

Sigi would take over the wheel and push on the breaks and then get a year’s subscription to Dry Bar to repair the damage which she did and blame her husband.

Jessica would keep trying to put on her lipstick while her husband was driving fast, so the color all over her face would embarrass him.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #1: This marital problem is best solved not in the moment, otherwise it would be an even more miserable night! The solution to this is best solved long before or after the incident. The wife could say to her husband, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you sometimes don’t drive your best” and you can elaborate in whatever way you feel is needed, as long as it’s not in the moment!

Scenario #2: Your husband works way too many hours and he comes home late each night and you feel sad, rejected, and lonely. When you mention it, your husband gets defensive and lectures you how hard it is to provide for the family.

What would you do?

Jessica would try to make her husband feel the same in the home by not being present.

Sigi would get her dream job while her husband would need to take care of the home.

Taylor would change all the channels in the home to soap operas to annoy her husband.

Rachael would give her husband the silent treatment.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #2:  If a husband gets defensive when his wife tells him something, then the wife’s tactic is wrong! The moment your husband gets defensive, that means you cornered him, so pull back. Explain what you’re trying to say, but that you’re not making your point correctly. You can explain how you feel, using an “I” message. Can you find a solution together? Can your husband call you if he’s late? Would your husband perhaps be able to agree to coming home earlier twice a week? Your husband’s defensiveness can even go back to his childhood.  Women are clever and have intuition. A short-term gain isn’t worth a long-term loss of closeness. Learn to communicate in a way that doesn’t make your husband defensive.

Scenario #3: Husband and wife are both invited out to dinner. Due to Covid-19, husband and wife disagree: The wife wants to wear a mask and practice social distancing and the husband isn’t careful. The wife doesn’t want to go since it’s not safe. The husband wants to go and doesn’t think his needs are important to his wife. What would you do?

Rachael would find all the masks in the house and wear them all to make her point.

Sigi would send her husband to the dinner and stay home and watch movies.

Jessica would get a big inflatable turkey mask to look ridiculous in.

Taylor would send her husband to the dinner, but tell him not to bother to come back.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #3: We have a 3,000-year-old tradition on how to handle this. When in doubt, try to go with your husband’s reasoning, if it’s for small things in your life. However, this is a safety issue and that’s why it’s good to have the opinion of an important third party in your life. You can have a heart to heart conversation about how much you trust your husband but that you both need to work out a solution. Our tradition says that if you give in for peace, you will benefit and be protected.  If there is peace in marriage, that’s where the blessing is. Don’t fight for everything in your life. Again, this is a safety issue, and you need to seek an outside source, with the arrangement that you will both agree with whatever advice is given.

Scenario #4: You’re about to go to bed and your husband wants to talk about the credit card bill. What would you do?

Sigi would attack her husband right back.

Taylor would look at her husband and cry. She would say, “Right now? Right now?”
Rachael would pretend she’s asleep and snore.

Jessica would remind her husband that she bought gifts for his mother, his sister, & all his female family members.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #4: This example is best handled outside of the conflict zone. You can explain to your husband that nighttime is not your best time to discuss the credit card bill. A solution could be that your husband can put the credit card statement face down with a note for you to look at it when you have a chance.

Scenario #5: Husband comes home from work and plops down on the couch and doesn’t help. The children are screaming, dinner isn’t ready yet, and your husband is just relaxing! What would you do?

Rachael would plop down on the couch next to her husband and ask him how he manages to relax at a time like this.

Sigi would dump everything on her husband. She would bring the children to him, put the food on his lap, etc.

Taylor would send the children to their father to play with him.

Jessica would give her husband raw and uncooked food, such as spaghetti in the package with a jar of sauce.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #5: A conflict won’t resolve itself in the middle of a battle. However, you’re feeling rage and resentment in the moment, so even though it’s best to hold off and speak with your husband at a different time, it may be too difficult to wait. Say to your husband in a low tone, “Any chance you can give me a hand?” Your husband loves you and wants to do things for you. It is best for you to hold off and speak with your husband outside of this conflict. Be careful with your words and your tone.

Scenario #7:  Your husband sulks any time you tell him that he failed to do something. He takes it personally and gives you the silent treatment. What would you do?

Sigi would throw things and put a pacifier in her mouth so her husband could see he’s acting like a baby.

Rachael would copy her husband and do exactly what her he is doing.

Jessica would say the opposite of anything her husband says. If her husband is condescending, she would praise him.

Taylor would laugh at anything her husband says.

Leah’s marital secret for scenario #7: The silent treatment is torture in marriage and it’s a way of detachment and not taking responsibility for emotions. The silent treatment also causes a disconnect from your spouse and is not the best way to handle yourself in your marriage. Here are methods to stop using the silent treatment:

1) Understand how damaging this can be to your marriage, and that should motivate you to change. Giving the silent treatment shows a lack of trust 2) There is always a solution, even if you don’t know it yet. Try writing a sticky note to your husband that you’re sorry and ask to talk about it at a later time. The silent treatment always backfires and causes distance. If your husband is the one using the silent treatment, tell him that it is causing a level of tension in the home and that the children are afraid. Explain to your husband that the silent treatment is a more massive marital problem than the original issue. Become an expert on how not to give the silent treatment!

Homework: When there’s tension in your marriage this week, think about what you can say to your husband which can make you feel closer to each other.