Shalom Bayis does not mean peace in the home…so what does it mean?
Join Leah with Rabbi Reichman and reach new insights into what shalom bayis actually is and how to achieve it. Learn how to turn friction into spark, create visions with your spouse and become great together. It’s time to create a home where anything is possible!
Points to Ponder:
- When understanding Torah concepts, start with the words themselves. Shalom bayis is usually referred to as peace in the home, but shalom actually means wholeness.
- The spiritual approach of marriage is two halves becoming a whole. An even deeper approach is that people feel a hole in their life and get married to solve that problem. People hope they’ll get married and find someone to complete them.
- But, once you’re on the way to finding your wholeness, you find someone who is on their way to wholeness. Then instead of two halves coming together, you have two wholes coming together.
- This activates a sense of purpose, drive and finding a mission.
- It’s still two pieces coming together but not two broken pieces coming together.
- Shalom bayis is where you have two people who are happy, not depending on one another, but uniting towards something bigger.
- How do you become whole? Find what lights you up, develop your mind and middos and get excited about your goal. When you get married, you’re still doing this but supporting one another in their mission and also creating a shared mission.
- It will be different missions because friction, not tension, creates a spark.
Viewer Questions:
Leah: How do you create that vision?
Step one is self awareness. Introspect your own unique spiritual DNA which means it’s not about learning, but learning how you learn, it’s not thinking but understanding how you think, and it’s not feeling but understanding how your emotions work.
Step two is to give yourself time to find what you’re passionate about. This can be done by trial and error. Get in touch with what drives you and fall in love with that path.
Then, create an aim. You can have the world’s best archer but if you blindfold him, he wont hit the target. Have the aim and go on the journey, figuing it out on the way, don’t wait until it’s all figured out.
Leah: How do you create a vision together?
You’re not coming in with the answers. As you build communication, you build it together.
Sara: I love what you said that marriage is supposed to have friction as that brings the spark. The problem is, our friction always turns to tension. What are some practical things I can do to avoid the tension?
Have a difficult conversation. Tension often comes from holding in which leads to resentment. One difficult conversation prevents a wall from getting higher.
Racheli: You said that in marriage we need to come in as 2 wholes. My husband has a lot of pain from his childhood which he didn’t deal with and he refuses to go to therapy. How can I encourage him to become this whole self?
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. If they feel judged, they’ll go deeper inside themselves. Whereas when you can hear their pain, you become a partner. Be a safe space and communicate that you’re not judging or trying to fix, but just trying to love. Then it becomes what can we do rather than what can I do to help you.
Naama: As a man, can you give us women a few tips we can do to be the best wife possible?
Men need to feel a sense of respect, capability and masculinity. Show him he’s able to achieve something great and is a role model. Men also have a feminine side where they want to be seen, heard and understood. When a husband feels great in his wife’s eyes it helps him to become great. When he shares an idea, be supportive and empowering. Ignite his fire, show him you treasure him as he is instead of trying to fix him. Support his goals instead of projecting yours onto him; he’ll go on a journey to becoming the best him.
Continue Your Journey to a Happier Home.
Check out: this episode: Slow Life Down
