Why do I have to choose between a neat house or peace in the house?!
Join Leah as she discusses what to do if your husband is too messy or too neat, too demanding or too lazy. It’s time to get your house together without your marriage falling apart.
Viewer’s Questions:
Chaya: I try to put systems in place to keep a more organized house. I have hooks and pots and charts for the kids. My husband won’t follow any of the systems I created but he also won’t encourage the kids to keep to them.
Leah: We’re going to assume you’ve spoken to him about it, and it didn’t work. You have a challenge in front of you and there are positive and negative sides to this. Obviously it’s hard to have the lack of order but maybe he’s a more chilled out, relaxed person. Hashem didn’t make a husband and wife exactly the same; we’re different to work it out. Keep your systems but don’t enforce it with him. Gently ask if he could encourage the kids but don’t expect it from him. Your success is determined by your growth in letting go of control over your husband.
Sara Dina: My husband refuses to help me around the house because he says it’s not a man’s job to help. His father never helped his mother so I feel stuck because it’s so ingrained in him.
Leah: Every couple needs a strategy of household chores depending on who works and who is at home. Find what he doesn’t mind doing without stress or anger. In the home, equality is the wrong measurement. If the woman takes 100% responsibility of household chores on herself, the way she asks her husband for help sounds so different. Instead of being expected to help and doing it with resentment he feels like he is helping her and it pumps his self esteem. Thank him for everything he does, even if it’s insignificant.
Malky: I’m desperate to declutter but my husband doesn’t let me get rid of anything. I’ve tried making it a fun project together, kindly telling him how important it is to me, but nothing is working.
Leah: Find specific places for him to keep his clutter. You won’t change him, but you can change the logistics. Don’t demand he change himself, just find a way to set boundaries which work for you both.
Ilana: My husband’s expectations of cleanliness and order are too high for me. I’m trying to meet his needs but he just expects too much of me.
Leah: Find out what areas are the most important for him. Also is it cleanliness or clutter? Find a reasonable balance and make an effort to have that tidied for him. Get the kids involved, bribe them if need be! Make it a priority for the family to take care of Daddy in this way.
Tova: My husband doesn’t help me around the house but he also won’t hire help because it’s expensive. I’m finding it hard to be the happy, loving wife I want to be, when I have so much resentment that he’ll watch me struggle with all these household responsibilities.
Leah: We don’t know if she’s working or how much or how much he’s working; this all plays into it. The more equal the amount of work, the higher the rate of divorce. Forcing a husband to help will cause strain. Find areas where he’s happy to spend and see if you can find a compromise of what’s important for you to spend money on. Can you cut back somewhere else so your needs are met too? If a woman is doing everything possible to be the best wife, and taking his needs into consideration, generally a husband will take his wife’s needs into consideration more.
Try This At Home:
Thank your husband more for things he does in the house.
